Broken love

When I tell Paul I love him, sometimes he responds by saying thank you, and sometimes when he tells me he loves me, I respond by saying thank you. The love of another person is such a precious gift! They are choosing to give their trust, affection, time, service, and so on to an imperfect fellow human, risking the hurt of rejection or loss, setting aside their own self-interests. It's pretty unbelievable, when you stop and think about it. Who am I, that I would deserve the love of another person? Who are any of us, to deserve any kind of love? We've all hurt those who love us (at least, I know I have, and knowing human nature it's pretty likely that most everyone else has too), but we still end up receiving love from others.

That's only one side of the coin, though.

When I tell Paul I love him, sometimes I feel like I'm saying empty words because what I call love - the feelings, the desire, the commitment, the trust - falls so short of what God calls love. (I don't know if he feels that way too sometimes.) The love that is never provoked, never boasts, is never rude, thinks no evil, and so on - you know the passage - that's not the love I have to give to the people that matter to me. My love is quite easily provoked. My love has to work hard sometimes not to think the worst of someone when something is unknown in a situation. My love fails. My love is broken. But I still want to give it, and more than that I want to give as much of God's love coming through me as I can, because it is only by His love that I can love truly and beautifully.

Offering a broken love, and receiving it with thanks, both take place in humble recognition of human sinfulness. I have nothing of my own to give, but I give all that I have to the one I love. I deserve nothing, but I receive what you give me as grace. In both actions I lay my solitary self down and choose to enter into relationship, to trust another person and open up my very heart to them. And in both actions I set aside my pride - the pride that makes me want to perfect my love before I give it to another person, for fear of failing, and that makes me want to prove my self-sufficiency by getting on just fine without receiving someone else's love. So even though it's broken, our love can reflect God's love and really be something to be thankful for :)