The fear of man

I think, as people, we have an innate desire for approval (love, respect, appreciation, etc.) and a complementary fear of condemnation (or of rejection, inadequacy, being ignored, etc.). While the fear is most likely a result of our fallen state, born out of feelings of shame and guilt that would have been completely unknown to Adam and Eve before they disobeyed God, I think the desire of which it is the negative manifestation may be a good and natural part of how we are created. Most of the virtues that apply to our daily interactions with others - things like love, compassion, gentleness, submission, encouragement, and so on - involve giving some positive form of acceptance, approval, love, or respect to others, and if we weren't made so as to desire and appreciate those things, giving them to others wouldn't be as important!

However, like all the other good things in us, this desire can also be twisted by sin. We can begin to want some sort of applause or recognition for ourselves, or we can become competitive in our desire - wanting more approval or love than anyone else. In short, we begin to make the gratification of this desire the source of our security and identity. And it was never meant to fill that role! Our desire for the approval and love of other people was always intended to come second to our desire to love and obey God, but ever since Adam chose to seek the approval and love of his wife when it came in conflict with his love and obedience to God, we have struggled putting the two in the right order. But when we are able to do so, we find that when God is first and our hearts are resting in and seeking Him more than the approval of other people, there is peace, security, and a new energy to positively impact other people instead of always seeking to take from them the praise or respect we needed to satisfy that other desire. Proverbs, as usual, says it the most succinctly:

"The fear of man brings a snare,
But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be secure." - Proverbs 29:25

His strength in my weakness

In a letter to the Corinthian church, the Apostle Paul wrote the following well-known passage:

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

That first phrase - "My grace is sufficient for you" - is the one my mind usually lingers on (it's the one I have hanging on a wall in my house, too, which is probably why it comes to mind first!), but I want to set it aside and move past it today. Instead, I want to focus on the whole idea of God's strength being made perfect in our weaknesses - of our weakness being the opportunities for God's power to rest upon us and be made manifest in our lives.

When I think of my weaknesses, it is usually with shame, guilt, anxiety, and self-condemnation. I want to be cured of them, essentially: to be strong and perfect so that I can then give, love, sacrifice, and obey as God desires me to; to be righteous and above reproach in everything so that I can accomplish great and glorious things for God; to have my testimony be that He has made me perfect. At the center of this whirlwind is the desire to be something in myself so that I, myself, can please God. And I think most of us can relate to this desire to be able to offer something to Him, instead of always being needy and dependent!

But this is ultimately a self-focused desire, founded on pride (which is why our perceived failures and weaknesses, even about trivial things, matter so much to us, and why the slightest criticism has the potential to wound us deeply). While we do want to honor God, we also very much want it to be seen and known that we specifically are the ones honoring Him; we want Him to be glorified, but we specifically want Him to be glorified by our actions, and to share in His glory. Brothers and sisters, what I am slowly coming to know is that to truly honor Him our own honor must be utterly forsaken. In order to truly glorify Him with our lives we must learn not to desire our own glory in any way - to obey, and love, and seek God, and not care whether or not we are noticed, respected, or admired for our actions.

So our weaknesses really do become wonderful gifts, because they are precisely the areas where our obedience and love come from Christ's power rather than our own strength, and are thus the areas where we can most easily seek to glorify Him self-forgetfully. If we have nothing to offer, nothing to give, than we can give (but really it is God giving through us) without expecting glory or admiration in response. How could we expect those things, when the power to accomplish what we have done is not our own, but is God's power given to us, resting on us, and working through us?

Francois de Fenelon, a French priest and author from the late 1600s, wrote the following thoughts along these lines, which have been very convicting to me:

"Strength is made perfect in weakness. You are only strong in God when you are weak in yourself. Your weakness will be your strength if you accept it with a lowly heart.You will be tempted to believe that weakness and lowliness are not part of trusting God. It is commonly believed that to trust God you generously give God everything because you love Him so much. Heroic sacrifices are held up as true examples of trusting God. To truly trust God is not so glamorous." - The Seeking Heart

Isn't it true? We desire the glamor, the glory - we want to do great things for God and be the heroes whose stories are told throughout the church. But that is not truly trusting God, and it is not true strength in our faith either; true strength, perfect strength, is that which comes upon us from God in the midst of our weaknesses.

So I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses. My power is insufficient, but there is this great hope that Christ's power will rest upon me and work through me - and in this work it will be Christ Himself who receives the praise and the glory for whatever is accomplished, not me. And that is how it should be. It is His power, after all, that created me, sustains me, and gave me new life in Him through His death and resurrection. As I was unable to accomplish my own salvation, so I am unable in my own strength to continue in righteousness now that I have been saved. But in my weaknesses, His strength can be made manifest in my life, and I can begin to learn to set myself aside so that He may receive the glory, for it is His to receive.

Living intentionally: prayer and respect

I can hardly believe that I'm getting married in 17 days! Marriage has always seemed like a far-away, grown-up thing and now it is right here practically on top of me! I guess I am sort of an adult now :P

Anyway, I found a blog post today that had some marriage advice that seemed pretty good to me (obviously I haven't tried any of it yet!). I really liked her practical advice about establishing times to pray together as a couple, because I can see that as being something that could get neglected if we aren't intentional about making it happen, unless Paul is far superior to me in this area of life, which could definitely be the case :) She suggests that you commit to praying together twice each day: once in the morning when you wake up and once at night before you go to sleep - and if someone is asleep, the other person can wake them up to pray! I am a fan of praying but not so much of being woken up... I know that it is worth the inconvenience, though :) A marriage needs (that seems like such a weak word!) to have God as its center and focus to survive and flourish with love and joy, and prayer together seems like a really good way to strive to keep Him as the foundation.

Another thing she wrote that I really liked - well, I liked the whole thing a lot and I'm having trouble choosing just a couple things to elaborate on - but anyways, one other thing that spoke to me was her counsel to "bathe your husband in respect in every possible way you can." I don't have an internal issue with respecting my fiance, because I admire him in so many different ways for so many different things, and I really value his desire to seek God and his heart for other people. However, I think there are definitely times when I don't show that respect in my interactions with him and with others, just because I don't consciously think about it! So that is something I want to improve as well.

Anyways, if you are also nearing marriage (or are already in it, or are just curious) you should go check out her post and read the whole thing! I think it is really valuable.