A God of mercy

If it is true that God takes no pleasure in wickedness - that He "hate[s] all workers of iniquity" and "abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man," as Psalm 5:4-6 says - than it is a problem of incredible concern and importance for each and every one of us. I wouldn't say I was bloodthirsty (far from it, in fact!), but when I see the bitterness, hatred, and resentment my heart holds on to and even takes pleasure in, I can't deny that there is wickedness and sin inside me. And the general consensus of the rest of humanity, and the doctrine of Christianity, is that I am not alone in this deep internal sinfulness: for "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Rom. 3:23)

What do we do, then? What is the next step to take, when we see the sin inside us, when the weight of it breaks our hearts and leads us to the edge of despair, because all our efforts cannot eradicate it completely from our lives? I think the same psalm that described the righteous position of a holy God towards wickedness describes equally well the only beneficial next step for us to take:

"But as for me, I will come into Your house in the multitude of Your mercy;
In fear of You I will worship toward Your holy temple." - Psalm 5:7-8

Continuing to try to perfect myself will never succeed; the only option that can bring life, joy, and contentment is to come to God riding the waves of His mercy, carried in the arms of His mercy, lifted on the wings of His mercy: forgiven and reconciled by His mercy. Striving to lift myself to heaven or to give myself worth and value, to earn the respect and adulation of others and even of God, can only lead to the empty and cold triumph of pride that is more failure than victory even in its highest moment; but coming to God with reverence and humility, to lift unto Him the worship and adoration of a heart in love to a God worthy of praise - that is the key to peace and fulfillment, the one thing necessary to find meaning and freedom.

It is indeed true that God takes no pleasure in wickedness, but it is also true that He is a God of mercy, and because He is a God of mercy we can be a people of hope. We can cry to our God in our trouble, even when our trouble is brought on by our own sin, and we can wait eagerly, watching as for the morning, for His answer to our prayer. Because we have put our trust in Him, we can rejoice in the surety of His faithfulness, and let the burdens and pains of this life and of our sin be carried for us by the God who defends us with strength unassailable.

The power that underlies grace

In Psalm 2, the rule of God - rightful and almighty authority - is contrasted with the rule of man - proud and greedy grasping for power and autonomy. We see the kings and rulers of the earth attempting to free themselves from what they perceive to be the bonds and chains of God over their lives, and God responding with derision because their attempt is so incredibly futile and with wrath because it is idolatrous rebellion and sin. But to be honest, the way the psalm is written has always been confusing to me, because it seems to paint God in a very negative light: as a wrathful God who delights in carrying out judgment on rebellious creatures, who desires to rule with an iron fist as a complete dictator, and before whom we come as cowering, terror-stricken subjects hoping that He will not be angry with us this time.

And this picture is so utterly the opposite of God as He has revealed Himself in the rest of Scripture that for a long time I've skirted around this psalm, bracketing it off in my mind as one of those parts of the Bible and Christianity that I just don't understand yet (which I think is often a healthy and helpful thing to do, because after all we are limited by nature and our understanding is furthermore hampered by sin, and there are a lot of things we don't understand now and may never understand at all in this life.) What I think I'm coming to understand, however, is that the focus of this psalm isn't on God's anger so much as it is on God's rightful and legitimate power and authority - and in our culture, we tend not to dwell much on that power and authority. A God of enduring faithfulness and unending love, without earth-shattering power or the authority of a judge and king, is a comfortable God, a God we can safely ignore when we want to but who will be there for us when we need Him. But the God who created the universe, without whose sustaining power our lives would not last a second, and whose innate holiness defines a moral law we can't even come close to living up to, is not a comfortable God. The God who seeks to reconquer our rebellious hearts with His grace and lovingkindness is also the God who will utterly destroy us in His righteous judgment if we refuse to surrender. And I think, if we lose our understanding of God's power and authority in judgment - if we cease to see God as the rightful and righteous King and Judge - we will also lose our understanding of the depths of His love and the riches of His grace. He is indeed a terrible and powerful God; the whisper of His wrath would utterly destroy us. But we do not need to be afraid or cower before Him without hope, awaiting the inevitable judgment, because He is also a God of love, who extends salvation to His people, and "blessed are all those who put their trust in Him."

Sin and sanctification

There's a part of me that values worldly prestige and esteem - part of me that wants to have a job that looks good to the people around me, and that wants my husband to also have such a job, so that people will look up to us and value us for our success in meeting these very worldly priorities. It was this part of me, a couple years ago, that was happy when Paul decided to pursue physical therapy instead of teaching, because medical professions carry quite a bit of esteem in this white-collar, upper-middle class system of rating. It is this part of me that wants a higher degree (particularly a PhD!), just so that I can be more respected according to those same rankings. And while I don't think this is a very large part of me, it is certainly there: a desire to build my life around temporal pursuits in the hope of winning the approval and esteem of people who generally don't even share my worldview and values, and a thirst for the acclaim and admiration of created beings rather than the Creator, over fleeting rather than eternal things. In essence, that part of me has fallen for the lies and temptations of the world, and wants to chase after that tantalizing golden apples it proffers instead of keeping to the course and running for "the goal of the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 3:14).

What concerns me is that I wasn't even aware of this desire until very recently, when a chance conversation brought it into glaring relief. Before then, if you had talked to me about the issue, I wouldn't have said that I valued that esteem or that I thought a white-collar job more worthy or meaningful than a blue-collar job (or that I ranked careers even within those categories); I would have told you that what mattered to me was honoring God with one's life and following Him on whatever path He chose, whether that included worldly riches and acclaim or material poverty and social scorn. But secretly, inside me, the desire for acclaim - the hidden pride, to give it its true name - was influencing my decisions, my thoughts about life, and my attitudes toward different options, while I remained largely ignorant of its existence and strength. It makes me wonder what other sinful attitudes, what other misaligned priorities, are hiding inside my heart!

What's encouraging, though, is that God did bring it to my attention eventually. If we knew all of our sinful traits and desires at once, it would probably be so overwhelming that we would despair of ever overcoming them! Instead, then, God works at our hearts slowly, gradually bringing our sins to light and conforming us to His image. He does want us to be perfect, with a great and terrible perfection mirroring His own unassailable holiness, but as He leads us to that place He guides and shapes us with loving, gentle hands. So a new realization of sin, or an increased awareness of the patterns and attitudes of our minds and hearts that are not in accordance with God, is not a reason for despair; rather, it is a reason for gratitude and increased trust in God's grace, because it is evidence of His Spirit's work of sanctification advancing forward into more areas of our life. As He brings the dark things in our hearts into the light of His truth, we can be assured that He will also bring them to defeat and destruction according to the same power by which He rose from the grave!

So it gives me hope that God is pointing out this hidden pride and desire for the world's esteem in my heart. It is not a good thing for it to be there; if left untouched and allowed to infiltrate into the foundations of my life and identity, it would center my heart on temporal and perishable things, draw me away from deeper knowledge, obedience and love of God, and disable much of my potential for serving and witnessing for God in this life. That is what any sin will do, given the opportunity, and this particular sin is one that attempts to attach one's love and vision to the world instead of to eternity. But it is a chance for me to experience and find joy in the grace and sanctifying power of God. By grace He brings sin to light; by grace He continues to love us despite that sin; by grace He enables us to find victory over that sin, even if it is only for moments at first; and by His great power He will someday present us to Himself fully perfect, completely purified from that sin and all other sins, blameless and holy before Him in love.

Hidden evils

None of the things that appealed to Eve about the forbidden fruit were bad. She saw, rightly, that it was an attractive fruit that would be good to the taste, and that beyond those normal qualities of a good fruit it would also increase her wisdom and knowledge, and make her more like God. Obviously it isn't bad to enjoy good food, nor on a higher level is it bad to desire and seek after wisdom and knowledge. Indeed, those are things that God gives us and wants us to enjoy; there are even hints in the Bible that we will become so much like God that we can be called gods (see Psalm 82 and John 10). So from a purely rational perspective - proceeding strictly from observable facts and ignoring direct revelation - it would be perfectly fine to eat that fruit. But the key part of that is ignoring direct revelation. All these things looked good, and were good, and were things God was prepared to give to Adam and Eve in His own good time and manner, but it was wrong for them to try to obtain them in their own way by eating the fruit.

I think we are tempted by many similar fruits today: things that logically seem good, that from every perspective except one make sense for us to pursue, but from that one perspective are strictly and clearly forbidden. There might be choices we have to make in which one path seems the best from financial, prudent, and personal angles, but involves sacrificing our conscience or shirking one of the responsibilities God has given us (such as a child's submission to his parents or a wife's to her husband, or of anyone to some duty or charity for which he or she is specifically and uniquely responsible). No matter how attractive that path may seem, if it requires some other disobedience, it is the wrong path; it is forbidden fruit, and no amount of rationalization can correct it. And that can be hard to accept, sometimes! Particularly if ambition or pride enters the game, it can be hard to turn away from something that seems so good, so right, so much like something God would want us to have. But it is essential. It is, at times, the cross we must carry as followers of Christ, through which we learn to deny ourselves as He denied Himself to carry out His Father's will.

Praying against temptation

After Jesus had the Passover dinner with His disciples (which we now remember as the Last Supper), He went to the Mount of Olives to pray, and told His disciples to pray also, that they might not succumb to temptation. But they didn't pray. He prayed in such agony of spirit that, according to the gospel of Luke, His sweat became like drops of blood; Matthew says He was deeply distressed and sorrowful. After all, He knew what was about to happen! Because He desired to obey His Father's will, however, even more than He wanted to avoid the suffering into which He was about to surrender Himself, He prayed, fervently and earnestly.

A little ways off, His disciples slept. They didn't sleep simply because they were tired and out late and didn't realize the distress that Jesus was in: Luke tells us that they slept from sorrow. He had just told them at dinner that He would be betrayed, and suffer, and die; that He would leave them; and that one of them, Peter, would deny Him at the moment of truth. And so although they didn't fully understand what Jesus was talking about - their responses to Him in the book of John make that clear! - they could certainly tell that something was wrong, and that something great and dreadfully sad and painful was forthcoming. So sleep offered them a welcome escape from the sorrow and the bewilderment. Instead of having to wrestle with their worries and fears, with all that they didn't understand, and with Jesus' obvious sorrow and ominous warnings, they could rest in peaceful oblivion. I'm sure it seemed like a good solution - the easiest choice, the most pleasant path.

But because they slept at that moment, they didn't pray. And because they didn't pray, then, in the empty moments before the Pharisees and priests came with their servants and guards to take Jesus away, their hearts and minds were not prepared, not fortified by faith, to endure the fear and sorrow to come. They did not pray, as Jesus had taught them, for God to keep them from temptation - and so when temptation came, they fell. What seemed like the easy road, the escape from pain, ended up leading them into even more sorrow and pain. Peter runs into the night alone, bitterly weeping, not just for the arrest and imminent death of his Lord, but for his own denial of his Lord and friend.

It made me wonder how often I've chosen to pursue an escape or distraction instead of praying - how frequently I simply try to avoid the worries and the sorrows of life by ignoring them, instead of facing them head on in prayer and seeking the strength and the grace of God to help me deal with them - as well as how often that choice not to pray has resulted in sin, as it did for Peter. For the world is full of paths that promise an escape, that offer peace and happiness without the unpleasant task of coping with and fighting the pains and sorrows and fears of reality. I know I've used Facebook, Pinterest, blog-surfing, and even programming to numb or ignore feelings I don't want to deal with, instead of taking them to God with prayer and supplication; lest you think technology is the prime foe, I can tell you that I've done the same with books, homework, and projects - anything that distracts the mind and heart from the real issue can work. It doesn't seem like a bad thing to find peace in these distractions, and it probably isn't always a bad thing. But when it takes us away from prayer, when it leads us to seek peace and comfort in anything other than God, when it leaves us in a happy drugged stupor at the moment the trial comes, instead of strengthened in faith and prepared to hold fast to God - then it is a bad thing, leading to increased sin and multiplied sorrow.

So let us pray! Let us learn from Jesus and His disciples (as positive and negative examples, respectively), and pray in the midst of the worries and sorrows of life, the bewilderment and the suffering, that we may not enter into temptation, but may be protected against sin and strengthened for righteousness.

Worldliness

"...the most insidious temptations to 'worldliness' today do not necessarily come in the form of enticements to sexual dissipation, or even to complicity in socio-political oppression, but rather in the form of the suggestion that it is possible - and indeed 'normal' and expedient - to go about our daily business in the world without giving much thought to God." - Craig M. Gay, The Way of the (Modern) World: Or, Why It's Tempting to Live As If God Doesn't Exist

This quote makes me want to read the whole book! I might need to make a special trip to the Phoenix Seminary Library to find it, but I think it would be worth it. However, the quote on its own holds a lot of truth and provides much to think about. Rather than defining worldliness (the state of being of the world as well as in the world, to borrow from the famous Scriptural passage) by a set of actions or some behavioral standard, the author defines it in terms of the attitude and perspective of our hearts and minds - and since those things are what inform and motivate our actions, I think they provide a good foundation for an understanding of what exactly worldliness is.

As I've been reading through some of Paul's letters, I've noticed this perspective on the meaning of worldliness as well. While he does give the churches practical lists of actions that reflect godliness, he also lays heavy emphasis on the importance of having our hearts and minds set on other-worldly things, on matters of eternal consequence and origin. As he wrote to the Colossians,

"Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth." - Col. 3:2

In the entire previous chapter, Paul had warned the Colossian church to be vigilant lest the traditions and philosophies of the world affect their faith and walk with God - to make sure that the basic beliefs and patterns of thinking common to the world (that is, to sinful man in himself) were not allowed to crowd out the truth of the gospel and the entirely different perspective that must accompany it. How were they to stand guard and do battle with those influences? By setting their minds on things above - by focusing their thoughts and the meditations of their hearts on the things of God, on eternal and heavenly matters, by gazing on Him and seeking to know Him. And if they did not? Well, in Philippians, we are given an illustration of what it means to choose to set our minds on things on the earth, instead of striving toward God:

"For there are many who walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: whose end is destruction, whose god is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame - who set their minds on earthly things." - Phil. 3:18-19

To become of the world - to let our thoughts and fears and aspirations be centered around earthly things - is to become an enemy of the cross of Christ. He died that we might die to the world in Him; He was raised that we might be raised with Him to new life, to a citizenship in heaven, to an inheritance imperishable. When we choose to go through life not thinking about God, not living by the principles of the gospel, not concerned about how our new life and new identity ought to affect us here and now, we are choosing to ally ourselves with the world, and to set ourselves up in opposition to Christ. And if that is the posture of our heart towards God, then it ultimately doesn't matter whether or not we follow His moral standards flawlessly or work tirelessly for the creation of a better world. We will still have chosen this world - temporal, created things, that fail and pass away - over the uncreated, timeless Lord who gave His life that we might know Him and dwell with Him in glory and love for all eternity.

His strength in my weakness

In a letter to the Corinthian church, the Apostle Paul wrote the following well-known passage:

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

That first phrase - "My grace is sufficient for you" - is the one my mind usually lingers on (it's the one I have hanging on a wall in my house, too, which is probably why it comes to mind first!), but I want to set it aside and move past it today. Instead, I want to focus on the whole idea of God's strength being made perfect in our weaknesses - of our weakness being the opportunities for God's power to rest upon us and be made manifest in our lives.

When I think of my weaknesses, it is usually with shame, guilt, anxiety, and self-condemnation. I want to be cured of them, essentially: to be strong and perfect so that I can then give, love, sacrifice, and obey as God desires me to; to be righteous and above reproach in everything so that I can accomplish great and glorious things for God; to have my testimony be that He has made me perfect. At the center of this whirlwind is the desire to be something in myself so that I, myself, can please God. And I think most of us can relate to this desire to be able to offer something to Him, instead of always being needy and dependent!

But this is ultimately a self-focused desire, founded on pride (which is why our perceived failures and weaknesses, even about trivial things, matter so much to us, and why the slightest criticism has the potential to wound us deeply). While we do want to honor God, we also very much want it to be seen and known that we specifically are the ones honoring Him; we want Him to be glorified, but we specifically want Him to be glorified by our actions, and to share in His glory. Brothers and sisters, what I am slowly coming to know is that to truly honor Him our own honor must be utterly forsaken. In order to truly glorify Him with our lives we must learn not to desire our own glory in any way - to obey, and love, and seek God, and not care whether or not we are noticed, respected, or admired for our actions.

So our weaknesses really do become wonderful gifts, because they are precisely the areas where our obedience and love come from Christ's power rather than our own strength, and are thus the areas where we can most easily seek to glorify Him self-forgetfully. If we have nothing to offer, nothing to give, than we can give (but really it is God giving through us) without expecting glory or admiration in response. How could we expect those things, when the power to accomplish what we have done is not our own, but is God's power given to us, resting on us, and working through us?

Francois de Fenelon, a French priest and author from the late 1600s, wrote the following thoughts along these lines, which have been very convicting to me:

"Strength is made perfect in weakness. You are only strong in God when you are weak in yourself. Your weakness will be your strength if you accept it with a lowly heart.You will be tempted to believe that weakness and lowliness are not part of trusting God. It is commonly believed that to trust God you generously give God everything because you love Him so much. Heroic sacrifices are held up as true examples of trusting God. To truly trust God is not so glamorous." - The Seeking Heart

Isn't it true? We desire the glamor, the glory - we want to do great things for God and be the heroes whose stories are told throughout the church. But that is not truly trusting God, and it is not true strength in our faith either; true strength, perfect strength, is that which comes upon us from God in the midst of our weaknesses.

So I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses. My power is insufficient, but there is this great hope that Christ's power will rest upon me and work through me - and in this work it will be Christ Himself who receives the praise and the glory for whatever is accomplished, not me. And that is how it should be. It is His power, after all, that created me, sustains me, and gave me new life in Him through His death and resurrection. As I was unable to accomplish my own salvation, so I am unable in my own strength to continue in righteousness now that I have been saved. But in my weaknesses, His strength can be made manifest in my life, and I can begin to learn to set myself aside so that He may receive the glory, for it is His to receive.

A proper attitude towards sin

An anonymous reader left the following question on my previous post:

"I wonder how grace transforms our feelings about our own sin. Do we stop despising? Do we no longer care to forget? What is life like when we view our sin differently? Do we disregard it? Do we see sin as a way to learn and grow as individuals? Do we laugh at it? In other words, what is the or a proper attitude towards sin?"

As you can see, a lot is covered and asked in that comment, and I hope the reader will not mind that I am going to focus on the last question in my response: what is the (or a) proper attitude towards sin?

Before I begin, though, I have a disclaimer to make. Not being perfect myself, I don't respond to my own sin perfectly either. I would not be surprised if the way I think I ought to respond to my sin is also imperfect. That is an unfortunate but rather unavoidable consequence of not being omniscient and of having a sin nature that strives to darken and confuse what knowledge I do have. On the other hand, of course, I am much better equipped to write about how to respond to one's sin than about how to avoid sinning altogether, since I have had much more experience with the former than with the latter!

I believe there are three primary paired aspects of a proper attitude and response toward sin: first, confession and forgiveness; second, repentance and renewal; and finally, humility and grace. The first is pretty straightforward - in order for there to be healing, in order for one to move on from a sin and continue to try to follow God, there must be recognition of the sin and confession to God of the sin. As long as we are in denial of a sin, or as long as we are trying to conceal a sin from God (and often from others), we are allowing that sin to ensnare and enslave us. So it is important, however painful it may be, to confess our sin to God and to whomever else it may have affected. With God, we can be sure that He will forgive us that sin; that is what He has promised.

The strength given to us by God's forgiveness of our sin is what enable us to move on to the next step, to refocus the eyes of our hearts and to set our feet once more on the path He has laid out and which His word illuminates. In repentance, we turn away from our sin and gaze once more upon Christ. We press on again toward the goal, reaching for the prize. It is in this step that we remember that we are washed of our sin by the blood of Christ, that He has removed them as far as the east is from the west and has promised not to remember them - and so we too, in a sense, forget the sin and move forward. In Christ, following our repentance, we are set free (in a practical, immediate sense - eternally, we are already free and cannot be enslaved again) from the bondage in which our sin had placed us, so we can leave it behind. There is no guilt or condemnation.

In another sense, of course, we do remember our sin. We remember that we are weak in certain areas, and learn to be more wary of those temptations. We remember that when we felt we were following God with passion and zeal, sin still found a way to bring us down, and from these memories we learn humility. If we are honest with ourselves about our sinfulness, and about our constant need for God's forgiveness and renewal, it is hard to have a heart full of pride! Instead, we can use the occasion of sin to lead us to renewed gratitude and humility by giving us reason to remember the incredible grace of God. So while we will still struggle and sin, we can use those struggles and failures to mature our character and to deepen our understanding of and love for God, because of the gift of His grace.

I am thinking I would like to go into more depth on each of these three aspects, so there might be more posts forthcoming along these lines, but this is the essence of my thoughts on what exactly is the proper attitude of the Christian towards his or her own sin.

Race, intelligence, and the love of God

Many people who have studied race and intelligence come to the conclusion that certain races of the human species are more intelligent than others (Asians are at the top, if you were curious). A century or so ago, that conclusion paired up with the newly-popular theory of materialistic evolution to lead to some rather despicable practices and beliefs - like eugenics (particularly racial eugenics, which is simply sanitized genocide), colonialism, justification of race-based slavery, and social darwinism. Even in the US, in the 1910's and 20's, these type of ideas were taking hold and growing quickly. In the next few decades, however, in the wake of German Nazism, these beliefs faded to a hushed undercurrent in the scientific community.

But the ideas didn't go away. Ideas don't, usually. People stop talking about them out of fear, or to maintain a good image, or to help themselves win approval and career advancement, but they still harbor their true beliefs in their hearts and heads. So in the 1960's we see a resurgence of all the old racial prejudices; in particular, one study questioned the value of remedial education for African American children who had been disadvantaged during segregation of schools, claiming that those children were innately less intelligent and would never succeed academically despite receiving additional support and teaching. Needless to say, this sparked quite a debate, that continued through the 90's with publication of books, articles, and rebuttals from both sides. It is interesting to realize that even as the government was striving to do more to promote racial equality in society, scientists were debating about the mere existence of biological racial equality in the first place. More recently, world-renowned figures like James Watson have postulated that the continued poverty and chaos in Africa is due to lower average intelligence of the people there. Some people (most of whom are white supremacists) go even a step further, and suggest that different races also have different moral norms - that Africans are inherently more violent because of their genetics, for instance.

When I read these kinds of theories, it makes me intensely angry. In the first place, it is extremely hard to separate environment from heredity in many of these studies; looking at Africa again, as an example, how would be one be able to be sure that poverty is caused by lower average intelligence and not that lower average intelligence is caused by malnutrition, disease, and the emotional trauma of living in an insecure and war-torn land? And there can be even less certainty with regards to ethical mores! The people who believe that theory forget that their own culture has been steeped in Christianity for centuries - don't you think that might affect where we are today as Western society? In many developing countries, even where Christianity has technically been present for a long time, it has been assimilated into previous modes of thought and operation, leaving them unchanged, and has not in the majority of places been woven into the tapestry of life. True change takes time and the work of the Spirit, not an outward veneer of religion or modernity. Finally, it angers me because it is used as an excuse to withdraw resources and aid from people in these racial groups or from nations consisting largely of certain racial groups. I have read blogs where people argue that because Africans are less intelligent and more violent, we should let them kill each other off in Africa and do nothing about it, regardless of the human suffering involved, and it sickens me.

I don't think that our behavior toward other people, as Christians, should be affected by the truth or falsehood of these theories. Compared to God, we are all unintelligent and full of sin - and yet what do we see in His behavior toward us? He loves us unconditionally and He suffers for our redemption, restoration, and transformation; when He was walking around the earth He provided healing and food for the poor and not always very bright crowds that followed Him and listened to His teaching, and He knelt down in humility to serve the ones He created. So no matter what science or pseudoscience would have us believe about the nature of other people or groups of people, we need to remember that in Christ we are reconciled together in one body (Eph. 2:14-18) and that we are called to consider others as better and more important than ourselves (Phil. 2:3-4). There is no permission, in our faith, to condemn others or to consider ourselves superior to others. If they do not know Christ, then our heart's desire should be for their spiritual salvation as well as their physical well-being, and if they do know Christ, then our hearts should break at their suffering for they are our brothers and our sisters. Remember what our Lord said to His disciples at the end of His ministry?

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for on another." - John 13:34-35

I think that might be a good principle to strive to live by, don't you? We cannot rank people (whether by wealth, power, intelligence, or morality) and attend only to those at our level or love only those who are superior and can benefit us or interact with lower than us only with scorn or pity or condescension! We are simply commanded to love one another, with no limits or qualifications.

Racism and eugenics and similar beliefs about the nature of humanity ultimately stem from a worldview that is in outright opposition to the one we claim to hold as children of God - a worldview that would have us believe we descended from apes and that some of us are closed to that ancestor than others, a worldview that would make us think that what seems advantageous in this life (intelligence, health, money, or power) is all that matters because this life is all there is. Believing as we do that humanity was created in the image of God, in beauty and meaning and worth, and that we have an eternal home and purpose, we can look at the human species in all of its diversity and in all of its sinfulness and learn to genuinely love and value each member of it (insofar as we are able with the constraints of time and space and resources) by the grace of the God who first loved us. I'm not saying that this is an easy or a simple task - I am currently finding it quite difficult to respond with love to people who speak callously of the atrocities in the DRC and wish the Africans would destroy each other, for instance! - but it is the task we are called to and it is our responsibility to discover what obedience to that commandment ought to look like in all the situations in which we find ourselves.

Hope in the darkness

I've been struggling to write about anything lately, partly because I've been reading too much too quickly without enough accompanying rumination (and partly because what I have been ruminating about isn't in line with what I try to write about here). I do apologize for that!

With that said, today I still do not have a specific thought or topic in mind, but I do have a general feeling or mood. I've been reading about the state of the DRC, about the Occupy Wall Street movement, about the aftereffects of feminism, about famine and disease across the world, and about finance and economics here in the US, and honestly it's been rather depressing. Everywhere one turns, it seems, the world is rife with sin - really horrifying sin in some places, and in every place sin that is entrenched and unchallenged - and filled with pain. If death is the payment for sin, pain must be the benefits that accompany the salary. In the face of all those problems, especially knowing that they will necessarily become worse if the world follows its current course, it can be hard to remain hopeful about the future. What is there to be hopeful for? Will the DRC, along with other struggling nations in Africa and elsewhere in the world, find healing and restoration? Most likely not, at least in the near future, without a dramatic intervention by God. Will people in the US learn to take responsibility for themselves and the consequences of their choices, and rebuild a stable society? Perhaps, but it seems like at least half of the population is bent on destroying any long-term society in the name of short-term peace and prosperity, so I wouldn't count on it.

Everywhere I look, people are pointing out the problems in the world, and finding someone or some group or some ideology to blame those problems on. Problems in Africa? Blame the blacks (not linking the article I read here as it was really hateful), or Western interference, or the environment! Problems between the sexes? Blame the women who live for their own pleasure and "fulfillment" at the expense of their husbands and children - or blame the men who live with their parents and play video games and overall refuse to "man up"! Problems with the economy? Blame the ones who make irresponsible choices and don't want to live with the struggles they've made for themselves - or blame the ones who sit in power and wealth and increase their gain with corruption and greed! While the articles I linked tend to be courteous and respectful about their arguments (I picked ones I liked, for the most part), there is a lot of blaming going on elsewhere, and the general atmosphere of it is hard to escape. Even when I agree with a point or an argument the net effect is incredibly disheartening (and my recent reading list hasn't even included directly political issues, religious issues, or education issues, which I know from past experience can be even more discouraging to me).

My friends, if we want to change the world, we have to start on our knees. Anyone who chooses to open their eyes can see that there are problems, and anyone born with a sin nature knows the incredible strength of the human desire to follow our own lusts and emotions regardless of the consequences for ourselves or for other people. Problems aren't going to be solved by pointing them out to the people responsible because, all too often, they simply don't care. They have chosen that path, they have seen the consequences, and they have continued to walk down it. The world might go to hell in a handbasket, but at least they did what they wanted as it went. We cannot look to other people for hope, because the basis for hope is not found in humanity but in God.

This is where the dark mood of this post begins to change: in God. While we are not capable of redeeming and restoring the world through our own efforts (witness many generations of attempts and many billions of dollars spent towards these ends throughout history), God is capable of that task. He begins in the heart of each individual and works up from there to restore society, to create beauty, to build stability, and to renew love in community. Looking at the state of our world, it is obvious that this will not be a quick or easy fix - but the Lord of all the Universe has already given His own Son towards the work and we can be sure that He will not fail at what He has begun. There will be restoration, and all things will be new! If we hold on through the darkness to the hope we have received through Christ, we will see that hope fulfilled.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; because the creation itself will also be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and labors together with birth pangs until now. Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees?" - Romans 8:18-24

I urge you (as one weak and easily discouraged herself, and much in need of her own advice) not to become disheartened and discouraged as you see the world falling apart around you. It has been falling apart ever since man fell first, and only the common grace of God is keeping it together now, and only His saving grace can fully restore and make it right. That is why it is so important, if we truly want things to change, to pray about those things, to lift up those needs and that darkness to the Lord! For we have this promise, in which we hope: that He will accomplish that end and that, in Him, one day, the earth shall be full of joy and love and glory as it is now full of sorrow and bitterness and cruelty. That hope is reason to smile even when faced with the darkness and sin of the world, because we know it will not last and cannot conquer.

The forward march of society towards the gates of hell

I have been mulling today over an idea whose original source I cannot recall. Namely, in the battle being fought between the forces of Satan and the kingdom of God in this world, Satan's side has developed an interesting strategy for increasing the burden of sin in our society: he has chosen to make sin appear normative, so that through the constant onslaught of words, images, and ideas young people will grow up thinking that these sins are simply part of life, and will not be righteously angered or saddened by them even if they have grown up in the church and know God's word. The acceptance of those sins in society will be one of the unquestioned elements of their culture, imbibed unthinkingly, like racism was for much of the 20th century, and a culturally normative moral standard (because, being created in the image of God, people desire some sort of standard for living by) will be built around that acceptance. I would guess, for what it's worth, that this new moral standard will value such qualities as "tolerance", "open-mindedness", "respect for others" (indifference for others and thus a lack of concern for their actions), "peace" (silencing of the truth for the sake of superficial harmonious relationships), "love" (bondage to emotions and temporary passions, at the expense of duties and responsibilities), and "authenticity" (the courage to rebel against tradition and order and to pursue what is best for oneself no matter what anyone else says). For this reason it will be difficult to stand on the side of righteousness without coming across as different, radical, intolerant, and offensive.

One area in which this is already very clear is that of divorce. It is almost hard for me to say that divorce is wrong, because there are so many different extenuating circumstances and I don't want to offend anyone - and in that reluctance to admit that it is always outside of God's ideal and almost always blatant sin, I show the effects of growing up in a culture where something that is wrong according to the Bible is common and accepted by society. If I say it is wrong for a wife to leave her husband because she doesn't feel loved and no longer enjoys his company or shares his interests, I am incriminating not a few people I know personally and many more people who are the family and friends of others whom I know personally. That isn't fun, and it isn't comfortable. When that is the case, it is far easier to keep quiet about the issue than to speak up and risk hurting, offending, or alienating the people in life. The admonition in Ephesians, to expose sin with the light of God and make it manifest in all its ugliness, is conveniently ignored. Similarly, it has become difficult to say clearly in conversation that sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong. While not quite as common or acceptable (at least within Christian circles) as divorce, it is all too rampant in society as a whole, and speaking up about it will most likely cause you to be labeled old-fashioned or patriarchal, a prude who is against women's rights (there is a good amount of anger and a fair amount of sympathy directed against a woman who argues for this position, as if she must have been brainwashed in order to be so blind to the good of free and easy sex; it is amusing to be on the receiving end of this sentiment). The social stigma - almost a sense of shame - that accompanies being a virgin past a certain age is proof that the sinfulness of the behavior has been almost completely obscured.

Unfortunately, just as virtue builds upon itself in growing towards a more complete righteousness, so also sin builds upon itself in growing towards a darker state of evil. If divorce is considered normal and happens frequently (which it does), the institution of marriage is weakened to the point of near-meaninglessness to those who see it without Christian lenses (which it is), and there is little or no firm ground on which to stand in defending it against the entrance of homosexual partnerships, which will in turn lead to the social acceptability of the sin of homosexuality. If sex outside of marriage seen as acceptable, and not only acceptable but even desirable and even a right (which it all too often is), it will lead to the acceptance of abortion because the second sin is needed to manage the consequences of the first one. Accepting one sin leads to accepting another, not because all those who divorce have homosexual inclinations (far from it!), or because all those who have illicit sex intend to kill their offspring, but because it changes the moral boundary line recognized by society so that the second sin is no longer so far removed from what is considered normal. The road to hell is traveled by the small and almost imperceptible steps a society takes as it shakes off the obfuscating web of Christian tradition and moral norms, and the challenge for those of us who still adhere to those norms is to keep our eyes from being blinded and our light from being dimmed by acceptance of the standards of the culture around us.

The progress of temptation

"For first cometh to the mind the simple suggest, then the strong imagination, afterwards pleasure, evil affection, assent. And so little by little the enemy entereth in altogether, because he was not resisted at the beginning." - Thomas a Kempis, Imitation of Christ.

At the root of a lot (if not all) of my emotional struggles is pride and a love of self. I don't want to fail, I want people to admire and respect me, and I want to receive praise and approval. I want to be perfect before men and God so that I don't have to worry about losing their love or esteem. So when I make a mistake at work, or say something out of turn, or unintentionally offend someone, it is a really big deal to me - not because it isn't glorifying to God, but because it reflects badly on me. The focus is all on myself. Because of this, I become angry, frustrated, sad, discouraged, and even despairing far too easily. Those emotions aren't necessarily sinful in and of themselves, but they are in this context the sinful fruit of pride and self-love and the choice to believe in a lie rather than in God's revealed truth.

So often, when I feel those emotions beginning to stir within me, I give in to them. I'm simultaneously terrified and intrigued by the depths of darkness to which they can take me, and so the sin doesn't long remain a simple suggestion - it almost immediately becomes a strong imagination, difficult to cast out of my mind, and in a perverse way I even find myself taking pleasure in the darkness. It becomes familiar and comfortable, even as it is hateful to me, and the simple knowledge of how different life would be without that darkness makes me nervous about trying to entirely leave it behind me (it's like the attachment of the ghost in C.S. Lewis's Great Divorce to the lizard on his shoulder that makes him miserable - even as he wants to be free, he can hardly stand to make the choice to irrevocably lose the odious creature). I like knowing I can retreat there, to my refuge of pain and pride, when I need to. But God is a far better refuge, and the joy He offers is far greater and richer.

Pleasing or trusting

In rereading Truefaced (since I haven't yet returned it, and am delaying doing so as long as possible...), one of the ideas that jumped out at me was that the path of Pleasing God is not the best one to take. That contradicts pretty much everything about the way I live! I try so hard to do everything right, to make God and other people happy with who I am and the way I live, and now this book has the nerve to tell me that I'm going about it all wrong?

When I think about it honestly, though - when I set aside my fear and pride long enough to listen to what the book is saying, and take the time to look at my own life without becoming defensive - I am forced to admit that it is right. Ultimately, living to please God first and foremost leaves me empty, unfulfilled, feeling like my life is meaningless and like I am a complete failure, because as long as I strive to please God on my own, as long as I try to eliminate my sin by my own power to earn His approval, and as long as I attempt to win His acceptance by my earnest efforts to obey His commands, I will keep failing. It simply isn't possible to accomplish those tasks in myself, without His grace.

What is the alternative, then? According to Truefaced, the other path to choose is that of Trusting God. Trusting God with my imperfection and sin means trusting Him to love me and be delighted in me as His daughter despite those things in my life, and trusting Him to have a plan to cleanse and renew me of those things. That can be really hard sometimes, when I don't feel worthy of love and can't imagine how He can keep pouring it over me with grace, or when I feel trapped in the same struggles I've had for years and don't see how His hand is at work to sanctify me.In the end, though, it is worth it. Trusting Him brings peace and joy and contentment to life, and even better, it brings a deeper knowledge of and intimacy with God. When I'm trusting Him, I'm free to truly receive and experience His love and grace and power, and I'm free to respond authentically to it. What more could I desire?

Needs and love and sins and safety

Sometimes I think the biggest issue in my marriage so far isn't our miscommunications or our busyness or the transitory feeling of living in a place that's not our own or learning how to adapt to each other, although those have all caused problems already (I think I'm learning how to make up after arguments along with everything else!). Sometimes, I think the biggest issue is my own neediness.

I need so many things! I need to feel that Paul loves me, and cares about me, and wants to hear my thoughts, and desires to be with me, and enjoys spending time with me. If I feel like he doesn't do these things, I get so lonely and sorrowful inside (although it is typically just caused by a perception or communication problem). But should I be needing these things from him? Shouldn't I just be able to find all my contentment and happiness in God, regardless of what Paul is feeling towards me or what I think he's feeling towards me? If I didn't have these needs for love and time and consideration and respect and so on, I think, I wouldn't be so demanding or so easily hurt, and we'd have far fewer issues in our relationship. To have these needs (and I feel presumptuous calling them needs instead of wants, but I really do need them to feel like our relationship is thriving and to stay joyful and hopeful in it) almost seems sinful to me. I shouldn't have any weaknesses, or at least I shouldn't admit to having them.

So my typical train of thought goes, and I become ashamed of these needs, and I try to pretend they don't exist - that I'm not hurt when Paul doesn't communicate well and I feel like he doesn't care about, for instance, or that I don't care whether he spends time with me or not because I'm self-sufficient and don't need him around. When we were driving back from our week in Sequoia, though, I borrowed a book from Paul's brother and his wife called Truefaced and it's been giving me a lot to think about. One of the hardest things for me to accept, out of everything it said, was that our needs are not sinful. That God actually gave us needs even before the Fall. That without needs we can't ever fully or truly experience and receive love, because meeting someone's needs is a huge part of showing them love (except in the case of our love for God, of course, where we show it by gratitude, worship, and obedience). How could I know God's love for me if I didn't admit that I needed Him in so many ways first?

When I read that paragraph I put the book down for a bit and thought a bit. My first reaction was to completely deny it all. Needs are sinful - how could they be otherwise? They're self-focused and greedy and grasping. But it is true that God created Adam and Eve with a need for fellowship, and gave them each other; a need for Himself, and walked with them in the garden; and a need for food, and supplied them with more than they could ask for. He showered His love upon them in their sinlessness by meeting all the needs that were inherent within them. So I picked up the book again and reread the chapter - and reread it again, and then again. Then I didn't read anymore for a few days. This is taking a while to sink in.

Maybe, if I didn't have these needs, I wouldn't ever feel that rush of joy when Paul looks at me with love in his eyes and I know that he wants to be with me the rest of his life. His love would be an extraneous luxury instead of something that meets one of the deepest needs in my heart. That would ruin our relationship more than my needs ever could. So I'm trying to be honest about them now, instead of pretending they aren't there (I was never very good at pretending that anyhow!), but it's really hard, and it's really kind of frightening sometimes. If I have no needs, you see, I can't be hurt and I'm safe from losing love. If I have needs that you can meet - that only you can meet, as in my relationship with Paul - then I am not safe at all. But you know what I think? You know what I know even when I feel exactly the opposite?

Love is far, far better than safety.

Waiting for renewal

On my walk to work this morning I passed by a pigeon skeleton on the sidewalk. Ants had consumed the edible portions of the carcass, leaving only the bones (I know this because I passed it yesterday as well and it was swarming). I was a little repulsed by it, honestly; I walked past on the far side of the sidewalk. But I started thinking that death and all that goes with it - pain and decay, for instance - are just as much a part of nature as dewy leaves in the morning and golden sunsets in the evening. It's easy for me at least to focus on the good parts of nature: the beauty, glory, grandeur, and intricacy that reflect God's character and bear witness to Him. Now, I don't think that is a bad thing in general! However, if I forget that creation is fallen - that it is not the ultimate good, but is under the curse of sin even as I am - that is bad.

So when I see these very palpable reminders of the presence of sin and death in the world it should be a reminder to me that lasting hope and life can't be found in nature, no matter how much comfort or happiness I can find in it at any given time. Those things can only be found in God, in whom creation itself is hoping for redemption and renewal with us, and the One who created and gave us nature is the One I ought to be looking to for my needs and hoping in for my future.