In reading about feministic careerism vs. traditional homemaking (which I very frequently do), I have found that very often the difference is one of priorities. In the first, personal fulfillment and economic prosperity are highly valued, and in the second, family and children are highly valued. In the first, the important thing is to have stuff and to keep up appearances:
"...even college-educated men in their 20s and 30s will have a tough time pulling in the cash to pay for the house, two cars and nursery school. The simply truth is that most couples need two incomes just to maintain a middle-class life." (Kay Hymowitz, author of the book Manning Up)
The second wonders why maintaining all the trappings of a middle-class life is so important. If they have to live in a smaller house and only own one car, it would be worth it if the wife could be home making that house a place of love and beauty and joy, raising up their children to love and honor God. And if she was at home doing that, the "nursery school" expense would be gone as well.
To me, the first option seems much more self-centered and emotionally sterile. I would rather sacrifice a high-paying career than give up deep and meaningful relationships with my family! Couldn't the love and gratitude of a husband and children be rewarding too, just like the satisfaction of intellectual appetite and the respect of one's colleagues? It seems to me that it could, and that by cultivating humility rather than pride it could also be much better for the state of one's soul.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
Apologies and a small thought :)
I'm sorry I haven't posted as much this week! Paul and I are in the process of moving, and work has been hectic as well, so I haven't had much time to think or write. But I am so glad we finally have our own little place to settle in to :) We've put some stuff into place as we brought it to the apartment but in general it is still boxed and chaotic, so I'm definitely looking forward to unpacking this weekend. Paul (being in the National Guard) has drill this weekend, so it will be just me, and while I'll miss him, I'm kind of looking forward to being able to get everything set up just the way I like it, all by myself. It will be so nice to have a clean, organized, beautiful place of our own! The problem will then become keeping it that way... but I am going to be committed to keeping it nice because I know it will help our home be more peaceful and welcoming for ourselves and for friends who might want to visit.
On that note, I suppose I have been thinking about the importance of the home this week. I've noticed that when the home is cluttered or dirty (for me, clutter is worse), it becomes a less restful and inviting place, and I'm more likely to want to be somewhere else. When things are kept in their proper place, and the whole place is clean, it draws me in and makes me want to be there sharing life with others. On top of just order and cleanliness, when the house is made beautiful in little ordinary ways (like uses of color, and candles, and pictures, for example), it becomes even more enjoyable to be in. Finally, I've decided that this task of keeping the home ordered and beautiful is far more suited to women (in general) than to men. Or maybe it's just me, I don't know. But I believe that the wife is better equipped to make a home worth living in than the husband is, although he may be quite good at aspects of it and should be quite good at extending his assistance, just as - in general again - I believe the husband is better equipped to go out into the world and wrestle with it to provide for and protect his home and family. The woman is the center, the heart; she nurtures the family and makes the home a place for growth and love. Complementary to this, the man is the shield and the shelter; he provides for the family and protects his home from the outside world. Together, they are ideally equipped to create and sustain a home in which children (for children are the natural end of marriage) can grow, learn, and flourish in love and assurance. We don't have children yet, but I'm thinking that this time now is the best time to learn how to make a home! I'm not the greatest at learning two major things at once, after all, so I should start on the one I can do now instead of trying to figure it out at the same time I'm learning how to be a mom :P Here's hoping I won't be discouraged when I start to fail, and will get up and keep trying!
On that note, I suppose I have been thinking about the importance of the home this week. I've noticed that when the home is cluttered or dirty (for me, clutter is worse), it becomes a less restful and inviting place, and I'm more likely to want to be somewhere else. When things are kept in their proper place, and the whole place is clean, it draws me in and makes me want to be there sharing life with others. On top of just order and cleanliness, when the house is made beautiful in little ordinary ways (like uses of color, and candles, and pictures, for example), it becomes even more enjoyable to be in. Finally, I've decided that this task of keeping the home ordered and beautiful is far more suited to women (in general) than to men. Or maybe it's just me, I don't know. But I believe that the wife is better equipped to make a home worth living in than the husband is, although he may be quite good at aspects of it and should be quite good at extending his assistance, just as - in general again - I believe the husband is better equipped to go out into the world and wrestle with it to provide for and protect his home and family. The woman is the center, the heart; she nurtures the family and makes the home a place for growth and love. Complementary to this, the man is the shield and the shelter; he provides for the family and protects his home from the outside world. Together, they are ideally equipped to create and sustain a home in which children (for children are the natural end of marriage) can grow, learn, and flourish in love and assurance. We don't have children yet, but I'm thinking that this time now is the best time to learn how to make a home! I'm not the greatest at learning two major things at once, after all, so I should start on the one I can do now instead of trying to figure it out at the same time I'm learning how to be a mom :P Here's hoping I won't be discouraged when I start to fail, and will get up and keep trying!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Contraception and abortion
I've been reading several very interesting articles (and books) lately that discuss, either tangentially or as the main argument, the specific moral dilemmas that revolve around family and marriage. They're especially interesting to me since those issues have become much more personally relevant in the past two months than they were before! Anyway, as I write about them, I'll try not to come across as preachy or obnoxious, because I realize that people have a lot of disagreement about some of these things, and I don't want to make anyone upset, especially if I'm spouting off some half-thought-through idea that is heading the wrong direction :) I will be honest about what I think and where I am now, though, so hopefully it won't come across as if I'm attacking anyone who thinks differently than I do.
The first issue that caught my attention, less than a month after our marriage, was the potential for birth control pills (hormonal contraceptives in general, as well as IUDs) to cause early abortions by preventing implantation of the embryo. Ideally, the pill prevents ovulation, so there is no egg to be fertilized and no embryo to worry about. As a back-up, it thickens the cervical mucous, making it more difficult for sperm to swim up to meet an egg that might be there if ovulation did occur (it is unknown exactly how often ovulation occurs in women taking contraceptives, because it is somewhat difficult to track, but the undeniable fact that women taking oral contraceptives will sometimes still become pregnant is proof that ovulation can occur, and that sperm can make it through the inhospitable mucous to reach that waiting egg). I knew those things before I started taking the pill, and I was fine with them. I was only thinking about how convenient it would be! However, the third function of the pill (publicly labeled as such, so I really had no excuse for my ignorance) is to prevent the uterus from preparing for a pregnancy - the lining is kept thin, with the network of glands and ducts unprepared for implantation - so that if ovulation occurs and an egg is fertilized, that embryo will not be able to implant and no pregnancy will take place. The embryo will die.
A common response to this dilemma is to protest that many such early abortions take place naturally - it is thought that about half of all embryos fail to implant, and a significant percentage of those that do miscarry very early on in the pregnancy, often before the woman even realizes she is pregnant - so why should we worry about the very rare case that an embryo is created while taking the pill and fails to implant? It may not have implanted anyway, after all. The difference, however, is that while taking the pill you (or I) are actively doing something to prevent pregnancy, knowing that it could entail the death of the early embryo. That's more ethically problematic than if it is happening without your knowledge, desire, or interfering action. By your action in the situation, you become morally responsible for the result.
For these reasons (as well as some less coherent issues that I'll try to discuss in Part 2 of this series), I stopped taking the pill a month ago. I do miss some of the benefits that come with taking it, but I think it's worth it to deal with some inconvenience in the pursuit of doing what is right and pleasing to God. As a disclaimer, I do want to say that there are reasons to take the pill besides birth control - I have heard it can help regulate certain conditions such as PCOS and can be especially helpful for women who have significant pain associated with their menstrual cycle - and for women who have these other reasons, the choice of whether or not to take the pill will not be so straightforward as it was for me. All I know is that my conscience was uneasy, and so it was the better choice, in my desire to honor God, to no longer use oral contraceptives.
If you want to read a very good post/article about the topic (which is well-written with sensitivity and from a very personal perspective), check out this post by my friend Diana: Thoughts on the Pill. Her post was actually one of the first things I read that led me to wonder if something was wrong and I should stop taking the pill, but it is written in a very non-confrontational way so it is a good introduction to the topic, and she has some good and interesting thoughts.
The first issue that caught my attention, less than a month after our marriage, was the potential for birth control pills (hormonal contraceptives in general, as well as IUDs) to cause early abortions by preventing implantation of the embryo. Ideally, the pill prevents ovulation, so there is no egg to be fertilized and no embryo to worry about. As a back-up, it thickens the cervical mucous, making it more difficult for sperm to swim up to meet an egg that might be there if ovulation did occur (it is unknown exactly how often ovulation occurs in women taking contraceptives, because it is somewhat difficult to track, but the undeniable fact that women taking oral contraceptives will sometimes still become pregnant is proof that ovulation can occur, and that sperm can make it through the inhospitable mucous to reach that waiting egg). I knew those things before I started taking the pill, and I was fine with them. I was only thinking about how convenient it would be! However, the third function of the pill (publicly labeled as such, so I really had no excuse for my ignorance) is to prevent the uterus from preparing for a pregnancy - the lining is kept thin, with the network of glands and ducts unprepared for implantation - so that if ovulation occurs and an egg is fertilized, that embryo will not be able to implant and no pregnancy will take place. The embryo will die.
A common response to this dilemma is to protest that many such early abortions take place naturally - it is thought that about half of all embryos fail to implant, and a significant percentage of those that do miscarry very early on in the pregnancy, often before the woman even realizes she is pregnant - so why should we worry about the very rare case that an embryo is created while taking the pill and fails to implant? It may not have implanted anyway, after all. The difference, however, is that while taking the pill you (or I) are actively doing something to prevent pregnancy, knowing that it could entail the death of the early embryo. That's more ethically problematic than if it is happening without your knowledge, desire, or interfering action. By your action in the situation, you become morally responsible for the result.
For these reasons (as well as some less coherent issues that I'll try to discuss in Part 2 of this series), I stopped taking the pill a month ago. I do miss some of the benefits that come with taking it, but I think it's worth it to deal with some inconvenience in the pursuit of doing what is right and pleasing to God. As a disclaimer, I do want to say that there are reasons to take the pill besides birth control - I have heard it can help regulate certain conditions such as PCOS and can be especially helpful for women who have significant pain associated with their menstrual cycle - and for women who have these other reasons, the choice of whether or not to take the pill will not be so straightforward as it was for me. All I know is that my conscience was uneasy, and so it was the better choice, in my desire to honor God, to no longer use oral contraceptives.
If you want to read a very good post/article about the topic (which is well-written with sensitivity and from a very personal perspective), check out this post by my friend Diana: Thoughts on the Pill. Her post was actually one of the first things I read that led me to wonder if something was wrong and I should stop taking the pill, but it is written in a very non-confrontational way so it is a good introduction to the topic, and she has some good and interesting thoughts.
Monday, June 20, 2011
To my dad, on Father's Day
Ok, I know it isn't Father's Day anymore and I'm a day late with this post. But I spent most of yesterday actually spending time with my dad, so I think that absolves me of any guilt here :)
My dad is one of the most loving men I know. He is intelligent, curious, skilled, inventive, creative, efficient at anything he does, a deep thinker, and so on, but under it all there is this core of love and concern for the people close to him. He is so generous, not just in the typical sense of the word but with his time and energy as well - he has always taken the time to learn about what my siblings and I were interested in so that he could enjoy those things with us, and no matter how busy or stressed he has been about work, he has always made time to spend with us. There have been times when I've misread his concern as criticism of choices I've made (as in, why are you worrying about me? Do you think I've done something foolish or wrong?), but he has never meant it that way.
I think one of my favorite recent moments with my dad was at my wedding rehearsal a few weeks ago, when we were waiting in the pastor's office for our turn to enter the sanctuary, and we just talked. Not about the future, or plans, or worries - just about ideas and thoughts and books and the present. It was like when I was younger and told him all my thoughts about everything, without any stress or fear of not measuring up, because I finally realized what I've been confused about for the past couple years: my dad loves me for who I am, and would do pretty much anything for me. His goal isn't to criticize my choices, just to dialogue about them with me to help me think through them thoroughly and make the best decision. And then the next day I got to walk down the aisle with him, and he gave me away - but everything he gave me and taught me and showed me through his example I will carry in my heart for as long I live.
Thank you for everything, Dad :)
My dad is one of the most loving men I know. He is intelligent, curious, skilled, inventive, creative, efficient at anything he does, a deep thinker, and so on, but under it all there is this core of love and concern for the people close to him. He is so generous, not just in the typical sense of the word but with his time and energy as well - he has always taken the time to learn about what my siblings and I were interested in so that he could enjoy those things with us, and no matter how busy or stressed he has been about work, he has always made time to spend with us. There have been times when I've misread his concern as criticism of choices I've made (as in, why are you worrying about me? Do you think I've done something foolish or wrong?), but he has never meant it that way.
I think one of my favorite recent moments with my dad was at my wedding rehearsal a few weeks ago, when we were waiting in the pastor's office for our turn to enter the sanctuary, and we just talked. Not about the future, or plans, or worries - just about ideas and thoughts and books and the present. It was like when I was younger and told him all my thoughts about everything, without any stress or fear of not measuring up, because I finally realized what I've been confused about for the past couple years: my dad loves me for who I am, and would do pretty much anything for me. His goal isn't to criticize my choices, just to dialogue about them with me to help me think through them thoroughly and make the best decision. And then the next day I got to walk down the aisle with him, and he gave me away - but everything he gave me and taught me and showed me through his example I will carry in my heart for as long I live.
Thank you for everything, Dad :)
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day
I've been pretty busy today spending time with my mom (and family) and my fiance's mom (and family) and it was awesome! It is so nice to spend time with people who love and enjoy each other, and to help make the day special for the moms whom it is intended to honor :)
My mom is such a blessing to me! Her heart is so full of love for her family, and she is always willing to serve others and volunteer her time and energy and skills wherever they're needed. Thinking back as far as I can remember, I can call up countless memories of time she spent with me and my brother and sister, teaching and laughing and living life together. I remember reading books together, skipping rope together, picking blueberries together, baking together, studying math and history and geography together, and on and on and on - she has always been the constant presence that made our house a home and knit our family together, and I am so incredibly grateful to her for all that she is and does.
I love you Mom! :)
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