My soul longs for You like a thirsty land

I am a person of many moods. A compliment, a glimpse of light on falling water, a butterfly, a feeling of God's goodness or nearness, or a fascinating idea, can send me soaring crazily high into happiness. On the other hand, a small troubling thought, a worry about something almost insignificant, a failure to accomplish everything on my to-do list, or a feeling that someone (especially God!) may not be pleased with me, can send me spiraling downward in seconds. In the same day I can be almost overwhelmed with joy, praising God and rejoicing in the blessings He has given me, and then be burdened with the feelings of guilt and unworthiness to the point where it is difficult for me to do anything at all.

Because of this tendency of mine to ride an emotional roller coaster, I have found it extremely important to keep my mind meditating on the truth of God's word. If His promises aren't there in my heart, then I have no guard against those things that would weary my soul and empty my heart of hope. So I read Scripture, and I memorize verses (Psalms are especially encouraging), and I delight in the Lord who loves me, and His word encourages me. But in the darkest times - when the light of joy seems to have set like the sun beyond the horizon, and the night stretches out around me, starless and moonless and void - in those times, my only recourse is to cry out to my God, and cling to Him desperately, my Rock and my Deliverer.

And I found today that the great pray-er of prayers, whose very cries to God were inspired by God, has been in that place, and lifted up his voice to God with words that I can also speak when my own words fail to come from the heavy ache inside me (forgive me for quoting so much of this psalm here; it is just so meaningful to me).

"Hear my prayer, O Lord,
Give ear to my supplications!
In Your faithfulness answer me,
And in Your righteousness.
Do not enter into judgment with Your servant,
For in Your sight no one living is righteous.

For the enemy has persecuted my soul;
He has crushed my life to the ground;
He has made me dwell in darkness,
Like those who have long been dead.
Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me;
My heart within me is distressed. 

I remember the days of old;
I meditate on all Your works;
I muse on the work of Your hands.
I spread out my hands to You;
My soul longs for You like a thirsty land. 

Answer me speedily, O Lord;
My spirit fails!
Do not hide Your face from me,
Lest I be like those who go down into the pit.
Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning,
For in You do I trust;
Cause me to know the way in which I should walk,
For I lift up my soul to You." - Psalm 143:1-8

 He will hear our prayers. He will send light into our darkness. He will not condemn us for our sins, for He has forgiven us in Christ. He will satisfy our longing souls "as with marrow and fatness!" For "His compassions fail not. They are new every morning!" And when my spirit is overwhelmed within me, I can cry out to Him and He will not despise me for my weakness or grow impatient with my stumbles and hesitations, because He loves me. He loves me unfailingly and unconditionally! That is a truth to hold close to my ever-changing heart! In the fiercest of storms, in the darkest of nights, in the depths of self-condemnation, this I know, and this I can hold fast to: that my God has called me His beloved, and He will never cause His love for me to lessen or to cease.