The power that gives strength to hope

Thus far during this first week of Advent one theme that keeps recurring over and over - even in completely unrelated settings - is the greatness of God's power. It's not something I've often thought about before, at least in any depth, and yet I am finding that it is essential to fully understanding His other characteristics as well as the blessings He bestows on us and the path on which He calls us to walk.

For example, we have in Christ a hope for our future - a hope of glory, of the restoration of all things beautiful and good, of peace and justice in the world - and it is in the light of this hope that we can find encouragement to endure through the darkness and the sorrows that beset our world now. But if we don't grasp the totality of God's power, then there will always be an element of doubt and anxiety in our embrace of this hope, and our obedience and endurance in faith will be more shaky as a result.

Our God is the One who spoke and the worlds came into being, in the richness of their beauty and complexity. He is the One who even clothed in human weakness defeated death itself and returned to life. He is the One before whom Satan fell from heaven like lightning, and the One who freed people from the snares of Satan's minions with a word. And this God dwells within us, and loves us, and hears our prayers! Hope is not a desperate wish for a future good, when our almighty God stands behind it and backs it with His promises - it is an assurance and an eager expectation, for which we wait and persevere.

Candle of hope, candle of promise

This first week of Advent we light each night the candle of hope, to remember that we have an enduring hope in Christ in the midst of a broken world. On this first Sunday we remember specifically how God made the world good and very good from the beginning; all things were beautiful in their design and blameless in their function, and there was peace on the earth between animal and animal, and love between human and human. Shame had not yet shown its face, nor fear either, and men walked with God in the world He had created.

Into that beauty came a whispering voice of temptation and deception, and hard on its heels came sin and all the consequences of sin that we know too well, so that Adam and Eve hid themselves from God, and blamed each other for their disobedience, and were exiled from the garden with a curse that covered all creation with them. But in the middle of the curse came a promise, for our God is a God whose love is greater than our sin:

"And I will put enmityBetween you and the woman,And between your seed and her Seed;He shall bruise your head,And you shall bruise His heel.
[...] And Adam called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all living." - Gen. 3:15, 20

Even in the despair of their exile and in the midst of the terrible curses of pain and hardship and social disunion, Adam could place his hope in this promise of God, and trust that through Eve would come one bringing life to destroy the seed of evil and the bonds of death.

They hoped for Christ's coming; today we both remember that hope and its fulfillment in His Incarnation, and still continue to hope for His final coming and the ultimate fulfillment of His promises. The perfection and peace that creation once enjoyed is not merely a pleasant memory but is also a living hope, for it will be restored and delivered with us in Christ when our adoption is completed and our bodies are made new. This is why we hope so eagerly for His return, because only then will all the physical world He has made be renewed and redeemed as our spiritual selves are already, and His kingdom will be restored on the earth, and the groaning and sorrow of this earth will be replaced with joy. So we hope, and we persevere in our hope through all the doubts and troubles that accost us, considering His promises a worthy thing to hold on to.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." - Rom. 8:18

Thanksgiving

I suppose I should finish my days of thanks :) Today I am thankful for Thanksgiving dinner with my family (so much good food!) and for Thanksgiving desserts with Paul's family (also a lot of good food!). I am thankful that we can have a good time with both of our families, and really enjoy being with them. Also Paul's brother and his wife were in town from California, so that was a special thanks! They are an awesome couple. Finally for today I am thankful that we were able to go see the new Muppet movie with some of Paul's family for his brother's birthday - it was a ridiculous movie (what else would you expect from Muppets?), but funny and a bit nostalgic, although I'm too young to have much of the nostalgia part.

 For this year, I am incredibly thankful that Paul asked me to marry him way back in January, and that we were married in May. Being his wife is one of the most wonderful things ever - I am loving what I have gotten to experience and learn so far, and I am looking forward to all the years that are hopefully before us! I am also deeply thankful for everything God has been doing in my heart, will, and mind; I don't know if this is objectively observable from the outside, but it seems to me that this year I have really gotten to know God more deeply and genuinely, and that He has been working on me quite a bit. I've been learning how to process and cope with a lot of different situations and emotions that have been difficult for me in the past, and I've also been learning a lot about how to serve others and really care about them. My desires both to know God and to love others have increased over the year, anyway. Hopefully those desires translate into real action and change, and don't just simmer inside my heart until they gradually turn lukewarm.

Anyway, good night and Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Sixth day of thanks!

Today I am thankful for successful completion of my digital design project (I'm so glad it's over before Thanksgiving!) and also for the short amount of time it took to do the demonstrations for it, which gave me the chance to go to my sister's vocal recital. I am thankful that I have such musically talented siblings, and I am also thankful that since they are both in college their performances are usually free so I can go hear them quite frequently :)

I am also thankful that I had a lot of down time at work today and was able to begin Advent preparations! I am really looking forward to Advent this year and am trying to create a good collection of Bible passages to accompany each day, so that I won't be left struggling over the specifics when I am ready each night to celebrate and remember and hope. In addition, while we're on the topic of Advent, I am very thankful for the wreath and candles that my mom gave to me last year, and I'm excited about being able to set them up on Sunday.

God is so consistently and wonderfully good!

Searching for home; yearning to belong

In this life, as Christians, we necessarily experience a degree of tension because we are at the same time part of this world and yet not part of it. We are called and commanded in so many ways to be intimately bound up with this life, invested and engaged in our communities, laboring for the good of the earth and the people in the earth - to live with the "this-worldliness" that Bonhoeffer wrote of. We're supposed to honor, submit to, and pray for those in authority over us in a worldly sense (1 Peter 2:13,17; Romans 13:1-7); to work to provide for ourselves and our families (2 Thess. 3:10-12, Eph. 4:28, 1 Tim. 5:8); to serve the poor and needy, and to live with generosity and hospitality towards others (1 Tim. 5:10, Mat. 25:37-40). And to do all of that well, our minds have to be in the world, wrapped up in the affairs of the world and of other people, to truly be aware of the needs we can meet, and our strength needs to be used in the midst of the world to put forth enough effort to actually make a difference in the lives of other people.

And yet at the same time we are reminded that we are not of this world, though we are still in it. In a crucial way we have been pulled out and set apart, and given a new home. Peter, in his first letter, prefaces his exhortation about how to live in the world by reminding us that we are "sojourners and pilgrims" in this world. The Apostle Paul agonizes over the choice between living on and continuing his work, or dying and going to be with Christ, "which is far better." There is a sense that even though we are in this world and ought to be living wholeheartedly in this world addressing its needs and problems with the talents God has given us, we still do not fully belong here. Some of the most beautiful hymns capture this feeling of unbelonging with their music as much as with their lyrics, crying out the longing of the heart to live in the courts of the Lord instead of on this cursed and sin-filled earth, yearning with the sons of Korah in Psalm 84 for a place that we can truly call home.

How can we reconcile these two threads of being that run through our lives as Christians? Tension can be a good thing, but it can also be paralyzing or bewildering, and if the tension can be brought to harmony - if the two themes can run the course of faith together instead of pulling in opposition - that would be an even better thing. One way I have thought of involves considering the issue differently: instead of feeling like we do not belong in the world, and thus tending to ignore it or wish to be rid of it, we could perhaps feel like the world does not yet belong with us. We have been redeemed and are being restored; it has not yet reached that point. But instead of leaving it in its sin, we can choose to take part in its restoration. It does not yet belong in the glorious halls of holiness, but by the grace of God it will, and it is our privilege to work and hope for its redemption. Creation was indeed "subjected to futility", but we have this hope and assurance that it "also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God." (Romans 8:21). Having been called out to God in advance, so to speak, by the work of Christ in a place where He truly did not "belong," we can now labor in this world in His likeness and in His same work of reconciliation and redemption, to bring all things to Him who makes all things new. And someday, when the creation is brought forth into our liberty through our adoption by God, we will finally have a genuine and everlasting home, a place where we can truly belong.

The fifth day of thanks!

Today it is late and the day was long but there is so much to be thankful for that I couldn't let it go without a post!

I am thankful for warm showers in the morning and leftover French Toast for breakfast. And I am extra thankful for my wonderful husband who drove me to work this morning when I was tired and running late!

I am thankful for time to finish my circuit simulations for my final design project today, and also thankful for a little bit of time snatched to work on my secret for Paul while I was waiting for him to come pick me up :)

I am thankful for the chance to go to my brother's percussion ensemble concert tonight and hear some awesome music (featuring him rather prominently, which was especially fun for me!) and then go out for frozen yogurt with my family :) I have such a fun family and I love being able to spend time with them.

Ok, this isn't the most exciting post because I'm tired and not thinking very creatively, but just as a small rabbit trail I think this whole concept of intentionally remembering things to be thankful for each day is a good way to help encourage happiness in my heart. Maybe VeggieTales had it right when they said, "A thankful heart is a happy heart!" Instead of focusing on what I don't have, or what is bothering me, or what I'm struggling with, I get to let my mind dwell on all these good things that I do have, and I believe that is a good habit to be in.

Third and Fourth Thankful Days!

So I missed posting yesterday but the reason is one of the things I'm thankful for! I got to spend most of the afternoon and evening with my family, planning for Thanksgiving dinner, working on my secret project for Paul, eating good food (we brought Paul along for that part :) ), listening to my brother and sister make good music, playing piano myself, and just overall having a great time. I really am thankful that God placed me into such a wonderful family, and that I've been able to have really close friendships with my brother and sister, and that I was able to have a special and unexpected day with them yesterday. There's something about being human that gives one a sort of longing for a community and a home, I think - we were designed to give and receive love in relationship, like God does in Himself and with His creation, and it is not good for us to be alone.

Today, I am thankful for a church that preaches the gospel, and that refuses to let a week go by without reminding me to fix my eyes upon Christ and walk in faith by grace. It can be easy to drift through life trying to be a good and decent person, forgetting the incredible grace of God that both raises us from the depths of our sin and calls us to a life of obedience. We do good and expect to be rewarded by God, or stumble and fear punishment from God, forgetting that Jesus has already borne the punishment and promises us an eternal reward based on His righteousness rather than our own. Like our pastor said this morning, God isn't Santa Claus! He doesn't keep a list of which of His children are naughty and which are nice, and dole out blessings and hardships accordingly. He gives us blessings abundantly beyond what we deserve or could ever have earned, and at the same time He promises that we will experience suffering. The key to understanding is to remember that the reason behind both the good things and the bad lies within God Himself. Reality is not centered around you or me, but around God, and so sometimes things happen that wouldn't make sense to take place in a man-centered world. Anyway, I will stop here before I go too far tangentially down the random courses of my thoughts, and simply say that I am so very thankful for a God that interacts with me on the basis of His love and grace rather than on the basis of my righteousness and merit!

Second Day of Thanks

Today I am thankful for the beauty of the world! Driving home from work the sky was filled with such a wonderful sunset - not grandiose and spectacular, but gentle and soft, pinks and blues and purples resting on every horizon. It felt as though the sky was almost close enough to touch, as though it were drawing near like the blanket you pull around yourself just before you drift off to sleep.

When I think about how every night there is another sunset, different from every other one that came before it, I am in awe of the God who crafted them. He didn't form the world merely so that it would function effectively; He designed it so that in the very act of performing those essential functions it would radiate with beauty and wonder.

So in addition to being thankful for all the beauty that fills creation, I am also thankful that our God is one who could and would create in the way that He did! He is truly wonderful - more beautiful than we can fully comprehend - and it is His beauty and wonder that is reflected in the world that He made.

First Day of Thanks

For the week leading up to Thanksgiving, I thought it would be really neat to take some time each day to remember some of the blessings I have, for which I am very grateful! It can be so easy for me to focus on the problems in my life (especially now when school is busy and the holidays, with all their corresponding obligations and expectations, are looming near), but in reality I have so much to be thankful for, and focusing on those things is a wonderful way to cultivate contentment and joy in my heart.


Today I am thankful for...

...a warm bed to wake up in and the chance to start off my day with a hot shower!

...a husband who is home with me (instead of deployed, for example) and lets me snuggle up next to him in the morning when I wake up and don't want to get out of bed yet

...a job with flexible hours that allows me to take classes part-time and gives us an income to live on

...all the kids at Awana on Wednesday night! Working with those kids is one of the highlights of my week :)

...delicious perfect pomegranates from my parents' tree

...the special berries that my husband got for me on Tuesday! Berries in November - crazy, right? Only in Arizona, I guess :)

...a Bible of my own, in my heart language, and the ability to read it and draw closer to God through it.

...amazing grace that never lets me go!

Race, intelligence, and the love of God

Many people who have studied race and intelligence come to the conclusion that certain races of the human species are more intelligent than others (Asians are at the top, if you were curious). A century or so ago, that conclusion paired up with the newly-popular theory of materialistic evolution to lead to some rather despicable practices and beliefs - like eugenics (particularly racial eugenics, which is simply sanitized genocide), colonialism, justification of race-based slavery, and social darwinism. Even in the US, in the 1910's and 20's, these type of ideas were taking hold and growing quickly. In the next few decades, however, in the wake of German Nazism, these beliefs faded to a hushed undercurrent in the scientific community.

But the ideas didn't go away. Ideas don't, usually. People stop talking about them out of fear, or to maintain a good image, or to help themselves win approval and career advancement, but they still harbor their true beliefs in their hearts and heads. So in the 1960's we see a resurgence of all the old racial prejudices; in particular, one study questioned the value of remedial education for African American children who had been disadvantaged during segregation of schools, claiming that those children were innately less intelligent and would never succeed academically despite receiving additional support and teaching. Needless to say, this sparked quite a debate, that continued through the 90's with publication of books, articles, and rebuttals from both sides. It is interesting to realize that even as the government was striving to do more to promote racial equality in society, scientists were debating about the mere existence of biological racial equality in the first place. More recently, world-renowned figures like James Watson have postulated that the continued poverty and chaos in Africa is due to lower average intelligence of the people there. Some people (most of whom are white supremacists) go even a step further, and suggest that different races also have different moral norms - that Africans are inherently more violent because of their genetics, for instance.

When I read these kinds of theories, it makes me intensely angry. In the first place, it is extremely hard to separate environment from heredity in many of these studies; looking at Africa again, as an example, how would be one be able to be sure that poverty is caused by lower average intelligence and not that lower average intelligence is caused by malnutrition, disease, and the emotional trauma of living in an insecure and war-torn land? And there can be even less certainty with regards to ethical mores! The people who believe that theory forget that their own culture has been steeped in Christianity for centuries - don't you think that might affect where we are today as Western society? In many developing countries, even where Christianity has technically been present for a long time, it has been assimilated into previous modes of thought and operation, leaving them unchanged, and has not in the majority of places been woven into the tapestry of life. True change takes time and the work of the Spirit, not an outward veneer of religion or modernity. Finally, it angers me because it is used as an excuse to withdraw resources and aid from people in these racial groups or from nations consisting largely of certain racial groups. I have read blogs where people argue that because Africans are less intelligent and more violent, we should let them kill each other off in Africa and do nothing about it, regardless of the human suffering involved, and it sickens me.

I don't think that our behavior toward other people, as Christians, should be affected by the truth or falsehood of these theories. Compared to God, we are all unintelligent and full of sin - and yet what do we see in His behavior toward us? He loves us unconditionally and He suffers for our redemption, restoration, and transformation; when He was walking around the earth He provided healing and food for the poor and not always very bright crowds that followed Him and listened to His teaching, and He knelt down in humility to serve the ones He created. So no matter what science or pseudoscience would have us believe about the nature of other people or groups of people, we need to remember that in Christ we are reconciled together in one body (Eph. 2:14-18) and that we are called to consider others as better and more important than ourselves (Phil. 2:3-4). There is no permission, in our faith, to condemn others or to consider ourselves superior to others. If they do not know Christ, then our heart's desire should be for their spiritual salvation as well as their physical well-being, and if they do know Christ, then our hearts should break at their suffering for they are our brothers and our sisters. Remember what our Lord said to His disciples at the end of His ministry?

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for on another." - John 13:34-35

I think that might be a good principle to strive to live by, don't you? We cannot rank people (whether by wealth, power, intelligence, or morality) and attend only to those at our level or love only those who are superior and can benefit us or interact with lower than us only with scorn or pity or condescension! We are simply commanded to love one another, with no limits or qualifications.

Racism and eugenics and similar beliefs about the nature of humanity ultimately stem from a worldview that is in outright opposition to the one we claim to hold as children of God - a worldview that would have us believe we descended from apes and that some of us are closed to that ancestor than others, a worldview that would make us think that what seems advantageous in this life (intelligence, health, money, or power) is all that matters because this life is all there is. Believing as we do that humanity was created in the image of God, in beauty and meaning and worth, and that we have an eternal home and purpose, we can look at the human species in all of its diversity and in all of its sinfulness and learn to genuinely love and value each member of it (insofar as we are able with the constraints of time and space and resources) by the grace of the God who first loved us. I'm not saying that this is an easy or a simple task - I am currently finding it quite difficult to respond with love to people who speak callously of the atrocities in the DRC and wish the Africans would destroy each other, for instance! - but it is the task we are called to and it is our responsibility to discover what obedience to that commandment ought to look like in all the situations in which we find ourselves.

The Body of Christ

In reading 1 Corinthians 12:14-27 (about the body of Christ) while preparing for my Bible study tonight, I noticed a key phrase that had never really caught my eye before. Verse 18 reads:

"But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased."

 Each and every one of us thus has a function intended for us by God. We don't get to choose our function, beyond a limited range, because God has equipped us with specific talents and given us specific opportunities. As a hand, we could choose whether to wield a sword or carry healing herbs, for example, but we wouldn't be able to choose to be a foot or an eye. So, our responsibility as a hand would be to live as faithfully for Christ, in our unique position in the body, as we can, even if we don't always enjoy that position. It is not our responsibility to choose what seems like the most "Christian" profession to us and force ourselves into that mold, if God is calling us elsewhere, and it is not our privilege to pick the most prestigious or comfortable position and aim for that. God gets to choose what part of the body we are.

That might sound constraining to some but to me it sounds so freeing! If God has chosen what part I am to play in the body, then all I need to do is trust Him and obey Him - to follow hard after Him and seek to know Him more - and He will reveal to me what my function should be in the body and then by His Spirit transform me into a more godly hand or nose or ear or whatever I might be. I don't need to worry about finding the ideal vocation and pursuing it wholeheartedly - I just need to pursue God wholeheartedly and let Him lead me into the vocation He has chosen for me. And whatever it is, I can also be free from the stress and distraction of comparison and jealousy because I know I am doing what God has called me to do, and that my part of the body is just as much a functional and good part as any other! What I mean is that while I may not be a missionary or a translator, I am still a part of the body set where God was pleased to place me, doing the work He has given me to do in this time of my life, and following after Him, and that honors Him more than performing those other functions in an attempt to win glory for myself.

Hope in the darkness

I've been struggling to write about anything lately, partly because I've been reading too much too quickly without enough accompanying rumination (and partly because what I have been ruminating about isn't in line with what I try to write about here). I do apologize for that!

With that said, today I still do not have a specific thought or topic in mind, but I do have a general feeling or mood. I've been reading about the state of the DRC, about the Occupy Wall Street movement, about the aftereffects of feminism, about famine and disease across the world, and about finance and economics here in the US, and honestly it's been rather depressing. Everywhere one turns, it seems, the world is rife with sin - really horrifying sin in some places, and in every place sin that is entrenched and unchallenged - and filled with pain. If death is the payment for sin, pain must be the benefits that accompany the salary. In the face of all those problems, especially knowing that they will necessarily become worse if the world follows its current course, it can be hard to remain hopeful about the future. What is there to be hopeful for? Will the DRC, along with other struggling nations in Africa and elsewhere in the world, find healing and restoration? Most likely not, at least in the near future, without a dramatic intervention by God. Will people in the US learn to take responsibility for themselves and the consequences of their choices, and rebuild a stable society? Perhaps, but it seems like at least half of the population is bent on destroying any long-term society in the name of short-term peace and prosperity, so I wouldn't count on it.

Everywhere I look, people are pointing out the problems in the world, and finding someone or some group or some ideology to blame those problems on. Problems in Africa? Blame the blacks (not linking the article I read here as it was really hateful), or Western interference, or the environment! Problems between the sexes? Blame the women who live for their own pleasure and "fulfillment" at the expense of their husbands and children - or blame the men who live with their parents and play video games and overall refuse to "man up"! Problems with the economy? Blame the ones who make irresponsible choices and don't want to live with the struggles they've made for themselves - or blame the ones who sit in power and wealth and increase their gain with corruption and greed! While the articles I linked tend to be courteous and respectful about their arguments (I picked ones I liked, for the most part), there is a lot of blaming going on elsewhere, and the general atmosphere of it is hard to escape. Even when I agree with a point or an argument the net effect is incredibly disheartening (and my recent reading list hasn't even included directly political issues, religious issues, or education issues, which I know from past experience can be even more discouraging to me).

My friends, if we want to change the world, we have to start on our knees. Anyone who chooses to open their eyes can see that there are problems, and anyone born with a sin nature knows the incredible strength of the human desire to follow our own lusts and emotions regardless of the consequences for ourselves or for other people. Problems aren't going to be solved by pointing them out to the people responsible because, all too often, they simply don't care. They have chosen that path, they have seen the consequences, and they have continued to walk down it. The world might go to hell in a handbasket, but at least they did what they wanted as it went. We cannot look to other people for hope, because the basis for hope is not found in humanity but in God.

This is where the dark mood of this post begins to change: in God. While we are not capable of redeeming and restoring the world through our own efforts (witness many generations of attempts and many billions of dollars spent towards these ends throughout history), God is capable of that task. He begins in the heart of each individual and works up from there to restore society, to create beauty, to build stability, and to renew love in community. Looking at the state of our world, it is obvious that this will not be a quick or easy fix - but the Lord of all the Universe has already given His own Son towards the work and we can be sure that He will not fail at what He has begun. There will be restoration, and all things will be new! If we hold on through the darkness to the hope we have received through Christ, we will see that hope fulfilled.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; because the creation itself will also be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and labors together with birth pangs until now. Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees?" - Romans 8:18-24

I urge you (as one weak and easily discouraged herself, and much in need of her own advice) not to become disheartened and discouraged as you see the world falling apart around you. It has been falling apart ever since man fell first, and only the common grace of God is keeping it together now, and only His saving grace can fully restore and make it right. That is why it is so important, if we truly want things to change, to pray about those things, to lift up those needs and that darkness to the Lord! For we have this promise, in which we hope: that He will accomplish that end and that, in Him, one day, the earth shall be full of joy and love and glory as it is now full of sorrow and bitterness and cruelty. That hope is reason to smile even when faced with the darkness and sin of the world, because we know it will not last and cannot conquer.

Baking with my mothers before me

There's something about bread dough that is breathtakingly beautiful. More than any other kind of cooking, I feel, it is truly an art and most definitely a joy. When I'm growing a sponge, the yeast bubbling away at the loose batter fills the whole house with such a wonderful aroma that it's almost difficult for me to focus on anything else, and when I touch the risen dough ever so gently after it's come to dizzingly precarious heights over the sides of my rising bowl (I am sadly without a large enough bowl for more than about one loaf at a time), I get shivers. It is so amazing to me how the natural metabolism of the yeast cells works so perfectly with the gluten in the wheat to create a delicate network of protein strands stretched and elevated into place by carbon dioxide, and then how the heat of the oven captures that elaborate structure by hardening the wheat and killing the yeast, simultaneously preventing the bread from unlimited growth and from collapse.

Today, taking advantage of the flexible timeline of bread-making, I am baking an old family recipe for oatmeal bread; it is a rich, deep, sweet and chewy bread, moist with oats and flavored with the slightest hint of molasses. I let the yeast feast away on a warm mix of oats, water, molasses, sugar, and salt for several hours while Paul and I had lunch with his family, and when I returned the earthy smell of happy yeast accosted me full force. It was such a delight! When I finally was able to add the flour, that smell had changed slightly to an almost alcoholic odor (if you leave yeast long enough, you start to get some fermentation; some people say this makes for more tasty and nutritious bread. I however ended up with this fermentation accidentally due to an afternoon nap...), which is new to me in my personal experience of bread-making, but as the dough has risen beautifully (domed to perfection under its protective towel), I think it should be quite fine. This recipe is one of my favorites partly because it is so old that it calls for "a lump of butter the size of an egg" and doesn't specify how much flour to add or what temperature to bake the bread at (or for how long... the directions are rather sparse even given the notes I've added to them), which gives me a feeling of freedom with the baking. Honestly I never pay attention to how much flour the recipe says to add anyway, because it varies so much depending on the humidity in the air, and most recipes originate in more humid places than here in Arizona!

So today I am thankful for time at home to bake bread. I am thankful for the incredible design of yeast and wheat that allows them to work so well together, and for whatever people first discovered those properties! I am thankful for a great-grandmother that passed down her recipes, and with them a tradition of nourishing love (as far as I know, every one of the women in my mother's line, mother to daughter over the generations, has loved to cook and to show their love with food). All these beautiful things that I take for granted so often, today I remember and am thankful for them.

Meditation on Psalm 36:7-9

"How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God!
Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings."


He holds me in the palm of His hand; His strength overwhelms me.
In the surety of His love I find peace.
I will make my home where the scent of His presence wafts in on sweetened winds;
I will sing praise in the beauty of my Lord.

"They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house,
And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures."


Like an orchard heavy-laden in the harvest,
Like the heady draughts of autumn air and fresh-pressed cider,
Like the dazzling rich and deep-hued falling leaves,
His love drips down abundance and my heart responds with fruit.

"For with You is the fountain of life;
In Your light we see light."


All seeming light apart from Him is dimming darkness;
All seeming life apart from Him is death.
My love, in You the air is clear, the sun is bright, no lies obscure my sight -
In You my dying heart is made anew and learns to walk in life.

A burden or a blessing?

On Friday, Paul flew to Memphis for an interview for physical therapy school. Unfortunately, his flight left at 5:30 in the morning, which with the state of security meant that we needed to leave the house at 4:00. On Thursday, I was telling people at work about this and one woman (who is married and had coincidentally driven her husband to an early morning flight earlier in the week) responded with, "oh, and I suppose he expects you to take him to the airport, right?"

The next day, after I dropped Paul off, I went straight in to work (early in, early out!) and one of the maintenance guys saw me about 6:00 and asked why I was there so early. When I told him about Paul's flight, his whole face lit up with this big grin and he said, "oh, so you got to drive him there!" It was so sweet.

Anyway, it was primarily the contrast between the two responses that stood out to me. On the one hand, the service is seen as something grudgingly performed out of a sense of duty because my husband actually expected me to do something out of the ordinary for him (I don't know if the woman from my work really thinks of it this way; it is just the impression I got from her response. She is quite a nice lady from what I can see). On the other hand, the service was seen almost as a privilege - something special that I got to do for my husband whom I love.

Before I talked to these two people, I hadn't thought about why I was driving Paul to the airport. He needed someone to drive him, and who better than me? But I can tell you now what reason I would rather have to do any similar act of service that comes my way! Instead of viewing it as a chore and a burden, I want to see it as a blessing and a joy, as a way to show Paul how much I truly love him.

Bonhoeffer: living by faith

Tonight I finished listening (for the second time this week) to Focus on the Family's truly excellent radio drama of the life of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, which closes with a quote from one of his letters from prison:

"It is only by living completely in this world that one learns to live by faith. One must completely abandon any attempt to make something of oneself, whether it be saint, or converted sinner, or churchman, a righteous man, or an unrighteous one, a sick man, or a healthy one. By this-worldliness I mean living unreservedly in life's duties, problems, successes and failures, experiences, and perplexities. In so doing, we throw ourselves completely into the arms of God, taking seriously not our own sufferings, but those of God in the world, watching with Christ in Gethsamene. That, I think, is faith. That is how one becomes a man and a Christian." - Bonhoeffer, Letters from Prison

Listening to the account of his committed faith in the face of doubt, opposition, and the fear of torture and death, I was deeply challenged. I like to think that I serve God well - that I strive to love and follow Him, that I desire to seek and obey Him - but my faith is nothing compared to the faith of men and women like Dietrich Bonhoeffer. So many trivial and insignificant things even in this good life I have now make me anxious or afraid! How could I hope to have the faith and the courage needed to live out of trust in God like he did, when I am beset by fears here and now? If trials come to the Christians in America like they to the Christians in 1930's Germany, will I be one who lives in integrity and faith, or will I be like the countless people who submitted to and participated in evil because of fear? If I one day have the privilege of ministering for the gospel in a third-world country, will I be able to hold my witness boldly and without compromise if there is persecution or opposition?

Looking at Bonhoeffer's quote, I think my course of action is clear. Here and now, I must live as God has called me to live. When fear rises in my heart, whether the cause is significant or trivial, I must take that fear to Christ and move on trusting Him. I must not let those fears dictate the extent of my obedience to Christ. And I must embrace any suffering, however great or however small, that He sends into my life, because He sends it for my sanctification, that through learning to trust Him in those sufferings my faith might increase and I might know Him more. This means being disciplined and vigilant in my walk with God and in all the daily details of my life, to endeavor to perform those details according to His will and for His glory, instead of according to my plans and to glorify myself. If I want to do great things for God and truly honor Him with my life, then I can't just sit back, go my own way, do my own things, and expect for it all to somehow just happen. I have to press into Him, to push forward, to aim upward, to seek Him in everything I do - and as Bonhoeffer pointed out, to do so in the midst of the problems, successes, and failures of this life (as opposed to some ideal life that I might picture in my head).

When some people think of pursuing God whole-heartedly - and of this pursuit being an important and even essential part of the Christian faith - they worry about legalism. Somehow striving to obey God must mean that you're trusting in that obedience to earn you God's favor and salvation, in their minds. I suggest that it might rather be a response to God's love and grace and a result of seeing God in His power and glory. If He is truly our God - our Lord, our Master, our King and Creator - then oughtn't we obey His commands? If, on top of that, He has redeemed us from death and loved us unconditionally through our sin, rebellion, and disbelief, don't you think that rationally we owe Him our very lives? When all we have is from Him, how can we hold it back for ourselves instead of giving it up to Him? This is not legalism; this is living as child of God. Grace does not excuse our sin; rather, it enables us to live righteously.

May we walk, then, in the grace that is from God and in faith in Him, in whatever He brings to our lives. Doing this now, when life is relatively easy, prepares our hearts to follow in faith when life becomes much harder, and brings glory to the Lord we love.

Procreation and unity - or, contraception part II

This post is not as "family-friendly" (that is, child-appropriate) as most on this blog

Reading my way across the internet today, I came across a very clearly and eloquently worded explanation of the nature of sexual intimacy (actually this writer has consistently been, in all that I have read so far, quite clear, logical, courteous, and sensitive to beauty, which makes for very enjoyable and edifying reading).

"...human sexual nature is not a collection of facts that have no meaning until we freely assign them one. Sexual intercourse has a natural teleology; it is ordered to procreation. This natural end provides a context which itself assigns a meaning to the sexual act. This meaning is “natural” in the sense that it “presents itself” to the mind of a sufficiently intelligent participant without requiring any decision on his or her part. If I make love to a woman, it means “I choose you to be the mother of my children.” This, and only this, is directly and naturally signified by intercourse. However, for an intelligent being, able to consider the future, it has profound implications. Children require a family, so the sexual act implies an irrevocable commitment; it initiates a new society consisting of the spouses and their prospective children. In the conjugal act, the spouses pledge their allegiance to this society—this also is virtually contained in the act’s one natural meaning." - In Defense of Patriarchy, by bonald

The unitive nature of the act, then, is bound to its procreative nature. This is an assertion I have heard many times but never completely understood. For example, I have struggled to understand why some (including, officially, the Catholic Church) believe that it is wrong for a married couple to use contraception. After all, the married couple has already, in other ways, signified and established the union between them, and they are most likely intending to bring that union to fruition at some point in the future. The man is still choosing that woman to be the mother of his children (and vice versa) - just not yet.

And yet I can see, symbolically, the contradiction in that. Symbolically, contraception is truly a rejection - a rejection of the full nature of sexual intercourse and thus a reduction of its meaning, and a rejection at a very basic level of the other person. If sexual intimacy is unifying by nature and not just by convention, then contraception interferes with that union by preventing the partners from completely giving themselves to each other. In the middle of what ought to be an utterly self-surrendering act, in which each becomes the other's, the man does not give and the woman does not receive. Considering that some (beautifully expressed over at Like Mother, Like Daughter) have defined masculinity and femininity by the roles of being the first giver and the one who receives in order to give again, respectively, this is a serious issue. Symbolically, not just physically, contraception establishes a barrier between two people even as they are seeking unity, by short-circuiting the inherent procreative nature of sexual intercourse on which the unitive nature is founded.

What, then, are the practical implications of that symbolism? Does it matter morally, emotionally, or spiritually - or is it just a beautiful ideal picture? I'm not sure, to be honest. I don't know that it is inherently wrong for a married couple to use contraception, but I am having a hard time coming up with an argument as coherent and beautiful as the one above. Everything begins to sound like an excuse or a rationalization rather than a unified understanding of the nature of sexual intercourse within marriage as God designed and intended it, which is insufficient for someone who desires to follow God wholeheartedly in this area of life just as in any other. Do any of you have thoughts on this? Can you offer me a complete picture of the nature and purpose of sexual intimacy and how that informs our behavior, as opposed to a "I'm sure it is fine to use contraception now, since you're committed and planning on having children later?"

Fighting off the excuses and taking the harder road

A lot of the commands in the Bible are very specific and straightforward. For example, it doesn't take a scholar or a theologian to understand that God wants us to pray regularly and to rejoice in Him - those commands are scattered throughout the New Testament, with various degrees of explanation and specificity. Yet for some reason we as Christians don't seem to want to take those commands seriously. How many people actually set aside a decent amount of time every day to pray for others and to praise and thank God? How many people pray throughout their day as they encounter, struggle with, or are blessed with various things? I don't think the number is very high (I'm not regularly one of them myself either, to my shame). And why is having a conversation with God in the morning before work something I think I can be proud of, something exceptional, instead of something I perceive as normal and natural obedience to my Lord?

Similarly, the Bible is pretty clear in its injunctions to put the needs of others higher than one's own, to love and respect other people, to speak encouraging and uplifting words, to cultivate a spirit of gentleness, and to seek union (rather than conflict or division) with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Are there times when the specific application of a command is unclear? Yes, most definitely! For some commands, also, that is more frequent than others. But that does not free us of the obligation to obey those commands when we do understand how they are to be obeyed, nor should it be used as an excuse to cover up an unwillingness of the heart to submit to God. Are there times when our circumstances seem to have conspired against us, so that we're tired, sick, bowed down with sorrow, and incredibly busy all at once, and the last thing we want to do is think about anyone else's needs? Yes, and in those times obeying God can be terribly hard. But it is key in those times to admit that we are struggling with our sinful desires, and thus to throw ourselves upon God's grace in dependence and repentance, instead of using those circumstances to rationalize away any and all behavior.

The call to obedience is loud and clear throughout God's word, even when any other more specific call of God (to vocation, for instance) is ambiguous or uncertain. Why should we expect Him to reveal more of that specific call if we have shown ourselves to be unwilling to obey Him in what He has revealed already? Obedience is a hard path to walk, but I think as we learn to travel it we will find it strewn with treasure and covered with joy, because we travel it with Jesus.

A response to the melancholy portrait

A follow-up to this.

The past may be full of regrets, but that doesn't mean the present is meaningless or the future hopeless. In every faithful task you do, however humble and valueless it may seem at the time, you can be honoring God and blessing the people He has placed in your life. You may not be doing the grand and glorious things you once dreamed of - and maybe it is your own fault, because of your own sin and carelessness - but that doesn't mean God has given up on you and condemned the remainder of your life to worthlessness! You may have given up on yourself (it is so easy, is it not, when you see how often you have failed before?) but He is still calling out to you: "in this time, in this place, hear My voice and follow Me. Leave your past behind you and press in towards Me now - take up these daily toils with a willing heart, set aside your dreams of glory, and find your joy in Me."

Joy comes from knowing the Lord who loves you - from seeing Him in His beauty and glory and rejoicing in the breath-taking realization that He wants you to be His! Love is found in surrendering to that same Lord and beginning to live truly for Him - not "for Him" as a mask for living for yourself and winning the approval and admiration of others, but truly and sacrificially for Him. That love can hurt sometimes, but it is more than worth it, and at least it will break up that emptiness in your heart. I've felt it too, you know, and I've found that immersing oneself in the love of God, in the precious blood of Christ, will erode its foundation of fog and deceit. What's more, it will give you the power to love other people as you've always wanted to love them, in a life-changing way. You just have to be willing to let go of yourself and who you've always wanted and striven to be.

The Spirit is waiting to craft you into a work of beauty, a living testament to His grace and goodness - but you have to be willing to let Him choose the final design. That might mean that you'll never be known as a great woman of God far and wide through your books or ministries or missionary work, but it doesn't mean that you won't actually be a great woman of God. Your children might rise up and call you blessed; your husband may praise you. Or they might not. But if you step into God's joy and give up yourself to Him, to labor in His love by His grace, to faithfully do what He has set before you even when you can't see or imagine the purpose, you will hear those most wonderful words when at last your life here is over: "Well done, good and faithful servant; enter into the joy of your Lord."