Here's my dilemma: my pastor told me (well, told the whole church during the sermon on Sunday) that the Holy Spirit is at work in the world and in my heart and that the choice lies with me to either quench the fire He is building (by not doing what He commands or prompts me to do) or actively work with Him to make it burn more fiercely. That is, if I ask the Spirit to lead me and transform me, He will; I just need to actually follow the leading He gives instead of closing my eyes and my ears and going my own way. But you know what? It is far easier to ask the Spirit to do those things in my life than to change the way I live and the choices I make in response to the work He is doing.
There are two fears fighting against my desire to submit to the will and work of the Spirit in my life, I think. The first, which is lesser, is the fear of coming up short - the fear that, after asking the Spirit to lead me, I will fail at following Him, and in so doing disappoint God and render my witness ineffectual. "Why ask at all," this fear whispers, "when the result could be more humiliating than if you had never tried in the first place?" But this fear is feeding me lies, because our approval from God, as Christians, comes from the righteousness of Christ, not our own ability (or lack thereof) to follow God as He desires. So my failure would not cause me to lose God's love, and I believe that He would rather have me try to follow Him than have me simply give up in despair before beginning. As Screwtape said (and I paraphrase), the sin of despair is worse than the sins that lead to it.
The second fear, which is stronger, is the fear of having my life turned upside down - of being called to do crazy things, and having to deal with the reactions of my family and friends and acquaintances, and having to give up the comforts I enjoy or my little happy dreams or the cozy small plans I've made for my life. If I honestly and wholeheartedly followed the Spirit as He led me, I guarantee you that things in my life would have to change. Many of these changes would be small, but I think some might border on the extreme, especially if I begin by obeying those small leadings rather than quenching the Spirit in those areas. And I'm afraid of what might happen, because it is so unknown and because God gives no promise of safety or comfort (He never does, you know). My heart wants to hold on to the small things that don't matter, and so it is afraid of following a God who emphasizes the temporal nature and insignificance of those things. This fear isn't feeding me lies, but it is hiding the truth. All these things might indeed happen if I began to truly follow God, and there very probably would be some degree of emotional pain involved, but what this fear conceals is the depth of joy and the fulfillment of being that is only found in trust in and obedience to God. Am I not willing to trade in the (at least relatively) shallow happiness that I can make for myself by going my own way for the unfathomable joy that I could find by knowing God and going His way?
These fears have to be addressed head-on, I think - to expose the underlying deceit, and to combat them with the strength of truth. Maybe I can ask the Spirit for His guidance and transformation... maybe I can seek to obey His leading with a heart that chooses to trust rather than to fear.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
O Root of Jesse
Today's antiphon remembers that Jesus is the eternal king of the nation of Israel, because He has come to reign forever on the throne of David as God promised to David himself so long before, and it also hints at the whole-worldliness of the salvation Jesus came to bring.
Similarly, by saying that the nations will make their prayer to Him, we see the future aspect of the event of the Incarnation. In the past, God was the God of Israel; in the future, He shall be the God of all peoples - and the great turning point was the life and death of Christ, who though coming of the house of David and the nation of Israel yet offered salvation to Jews and Gentiles alike through the sacrifice of His own body. We are no longer outside His walls; He has called us His people. The One who fulfilled all the prophecies, to prove His truth and faithfulness, has done a new thing: He has called all nations to Himself, and built His people from all the peoples of the world.
O Root of Jesse, standing as a sign among the peoples;In declaring Jesus to be the Root of Jesse, we are reminded of the greater picture of God's plan - we see the Incarnation in the light of history rather than as an isolated event coming unexpectedly out of nowhere. As God, Jesus sits on the throne of heaven; as man, He is rightful heir to the throne of David, and thus in His person unites the two thrones as a precursor to uniting the two kingdoms beneath them. It is symbolic of the reconciliation He makes between each of us and God the Father through His own body on the cross.
before You kings will shut their mouths,
to You the nations will make their prayer:
Come and deliver us, and delay no longer.
Similarly, by saying that the nations will make their prayer to Him, we see the future aspect of the event of the Incarnation. In the past, God was the God of Israel; in the future, He shall be the God of all peoples - and the great turning point was the life and death of Christ, who though coming of the house of David and the nation of Israel yet offered salvation to Jews and Gentiles alike through the sacrifice of His own body. We are no longer outside His walls; He has called us His people. The One who fulfilled all the prophecies, to prove His truth and faithfulness, has done a new thing: He has called all nations to Himself, and built His people from all the peoples of the world.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
O Adonai
Today's antiphon recognizes God in His historical role towards the nation of Israel, for whom He is both the redeemer and the lawgiver:
O Adonai, and leader of the House of Israel,
who appeared to Moses in the fire of the burning bush
and gave him the law on Sinai:
Come and redeem us with an outstretched arm.
Adonai, meaning "lord" or "master," is the name of God that most highlights the direct authority of God over our lives; more than merely pointing out the objective and philosophical authority of God over creation as the Creator, it emphasizes the direct and specific authority that God has over each of us (and our thoughts and our actions). He is our Master, our Adonai, and as such has the right to give us laws to obey, as He gave to Moses.
But the wonder of the first coming of Christ is that this purely magisterial aspect of our relationship with God has been colored with new elements - replaced, even, with the deeper love and intimacy of friendship and even marital love. As Jesus told His disciples,
"No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you." - John 15:15And again in Hosea, in the middle of a beautiful prophecy about the restoration and redemption of Israel with the coming of the Messiah:
"'And it shall be, in that day,'The One who came with fire in the earth-shaking power of His holiness, who gave us the perfect and unattainable standard of the law, has also come with redeeming love, and made a way for us to become righteous and be reconciled to Him, that He should be our Husband rather than our Master. This great transformation of our relation to God is the purpose of the Incarnation and the promise of Christmas.
Says the Lord, 'That you will call Me "My Husband,"
And no longer call Me "My Master"'" - Hosea 2:16
Saturday, December 17, 2011
O Wisdom
Beginning on the 17th of December, the great O Antiphons are incorporated into the celebration of Advent. Each antiphon is a prayer for Jesus's coming, and begins with a different name for Him, and meditates on a different aspect of His nature and relation to us. So for today we read:
O Wisdom, coming forth from the mouth of the Most High,What stands out to me in this antiphon is the juxtaposition of the words "mightily" and "sweetly", pointing out how in God strength and gentleness, power and beauty, peacefully and perfectly coexist. There is no imbalance in His wisdom: He both commands as a sovereign King and whispers as a tender Lover; He both builds the world as a scientist and designs it as an artist. To put it simply, in Him is the fullness of wisdom.
reaching from one end to the other mightily,
and sweetly ordering all things:
Come and teach us the way of prudence.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
A good man
A good man is a marvelous thing.
He is the one who is there for you in strength when you feel like the world is spinning too fast around you and you just can't hold up anymore and you break down in front of him and your ruined pride burns in your chest like the tears burn in your eyes, and he is there simply holding you, standing as a wall between you and the crazy storm of life, giving you space to heal, letting you hide yourself in him, bearing your burdens until the moment passes and you can take them up again, renewed and restored by his love.
He is the one who never seems to judge you when you stumble or you fail, but helps you stand up again and encourages and inspires you to live a better life and persevere in following God by his example and his words.
He is the one who never gives up, though his heart is bowed down with discouragement; he endures through the trials and uncertainties of life with steadfast faith in his God, and works as hard as he must to fulfill his responsibilities and honor the God he serves. And he does this without boasting of his efforts and his labors, in that pure humility that comes of centering his thoughts and feelings on the truth.
He is the one who leads his wife with wisdom and strength, who lets her know through his actions and attitude that he can be trusted, that he can and will make decisions when they need to be made, that he will provide for her, and that he is worthy of her respect and adoration. He is also the one who loves his wife with gentleness and passion, who lets her know that she is wanted and desired by him, who cares for her heart with tenderness matching in intensity the strength with which he leads her, and who claims her as being very much his woman and his alone.
He is the one who deliberately each day stands alert against the things that tempt him away from following God, and chooses to set aside temporal pleasures if need be to make time to pray and meditate on the Word. Like a sentry he stands guard against all that threatens to destroy him and the ones he loves, and, with the strength of God in his right hand and the shield of faith in his left, he will not let those things erode the heart and foundation of all that is truly important to him.
He is the one in whom his wife can safely place her heart, secure and confident in his love and in his strength.
When a good man gives himself like this to a woman, how can she not desire to give to him all that she is and has to give? Then, in the mutual giving and receiving, the two grow ever more into one, and love deepens, and God is honored. It is my great hope and aspiration that I might respond in such a way to the man I am married to, who is a very good man indeed.
He is the one who is there for you in strength when you feel like the world is spinning too fast around you and you just can't hold up anymore and you break down in front of him and your ruined pride burns in your chest like the tears burn in your eyes, and he is there simply holding you, standing as a wall between you and the crazy storm of life, giving you space to heal, letting you hide yourself in him, bearing your burdens until the moment passes and you can take them up again, renewed and restored by his love.
He is the one who never seems to judge you when you stumble or you fail, but helps you stand up again and encourages and inspires you to live a better life and persevere in following God by his example and his words.
He is the one who never gives up, though his heart is bowed down with discouragement; he endures through the trials and uncertainties of life with steadfast faith in his God, and works as hard as he must to fulfill his responsibilities and honor the God he serves. And he does this without boasting of his efforts and his labors, in that pure humility that comes of centering his thoughts and feelings on the truth.
He is the one who leads his wife with wisdom and strength, who lets her know through his actions and attitude that he can be trusted, that he can and will make decisions when they need to be made, that he will provide for her, and that he is worthy of her respect and adoration. He is also the one who loves his wife with gentleness and passion, who lets her know that she is wanted and desired by him, who cares for her heart with tenderness matching in intensity the strength with which he leads her, and who claims her as being very much his woman and his alone.
He is the one who deliberately each day stands alert against the things that tempt him away from following God, and chooses to set aside temporal pleasures if need be to make time to pray and meditate on the Word. Like a sentry he stands guard against all that threatens to destroy him and the ones he loves, and, with the strength of God in his right hand and the shield of faith in his left, he will not let those things erode the heart and foundation of all that is truly important to him.
He is the one in whom his wife can safely place her heart, secure and confident in his love and in his strength.
When a good man gives himself like this to a woman, how can she not desire to give to him all that she is and has to give? Then, in the mutual giving and receiving, the two grow ever more into one, and love deepens, and God is honored. It is my great hope and aspiration that I might respond in such a way to the man I am married to, who is a very good man indeed.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Discouragement and grace
It is so easy for me to become discouraged when I sin, especially when I watch myself continue in a sinful attitude or course of action in the very moment of realizing its sinfulness. If I was a good Christian, I think - if I really loved and followed God - I wouldn't be thinking or feeling or acting this way. So the fact that I sin, and do so despite the inner promptings of the Spirit and my conscience, must mean that I'm not a very good Christian at all.
But what does it mean to be a "good Christian" in the first place? After all, a Christian is one who has acknowledged his own sinfulness and utter inability to love and obey God, and who has thrown himself unreservedly on the completely undeserved grace that God offers. Our whole faith centers around this key truth: that God has redeemed us out of His own great love and mercy, not because of our merit and righteousness. Our whole concept of self-identity is founded in this statement: that we are sinners saved by grace. If we are saved by grace, it is only rational to expect that we ought to continue in grace, right? So a truly "good Christian" would be one who lives in God's grace, not expecting to achieve perfection by his own efforts, and thus not descending to the depths of despair and discouragement every time those efforts fail. In other words, it is my response to my sin even more than the sin itself that is important to my faith and the continued growth of my relationship with God.
This was brought home to me (after an evening and morning of discouragement at my own feeble attempts to live righteously) by an article I happened to stumble upon over at Ligonier Ministries (I didn't even know they had articles on their website! I now have a new treasure trove to go through!). To quote briefly:
But what does it mean to be a "good Christian" in the first place? After all, a Christian is one who has acknowledged his own sinfulness and utter inability to love and obey God, and who has thrown himself unreservedly on the completely undeserved grace that God offers. Our whole faith centers around this key truth: that God has redeemed us out of His own great love and mercy, not because of our merit and righteousness. Our whole concept of self-identity is founded in this statement: that we are sinners saved by grace. If we are saved by grace, it is only rational to expect that we ought to continue in grace, right? So a truly "good Christian" would be one who lives in God's grace, not expecting to achieve perfection by his own efforts, and thus not descending to the depths of despair and discouragement every time those efforts fail. In other words, it is my response to my sin even more than the sin itself that is important to my faith and the continued growth of my relationship with God.
This was brought home to me (after an evening and morning of discouragement at my own feeble attempts to live righteously) by an article I happened to stumble upon over at Ligonier Ministries (I didn't even know they had articles on their website! I now have a new treasure trove to go through!). To quote briefly:
We must resist the temptation of thinking we can stand in our own strength. We must depend on the grace of the One who said, “Apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). If we fall, we must go to Christ, confessing our sin and hoping in His mercy. The Scriptures declare: “The righteous falls seven times and rises again” (Prov. 24:16). To fall seven times means that you have been restored six. The greatest believers are subject to great weaknesses.It's brilliant, that line: "To fall seven times means that you have been restored six." We shouldn't expect to be able to walk without falling, because our own strength has always come up short. But we should strive to live by grace, to get up and press forward once more after each and every fall, knowing that our Lord is our strength. He will restore us and raise us up - will we try again to follow Him, or will we simmer in our self-disappointment and refuse to accept the grace He offers day by day?
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