"How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God!
Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings."
He holds me in the palm of His hand; His strength overwhelms me.
In the surety of His love I find peace.
I will make my home where the scent of His presence wafts in on sweetened winds;
I will sing praise in the beauty of my Lord.
"They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house,
And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures."
Like an orchard heavy-laden in the harvest,
Like the heady draughts of autumn air and fresh-pressed cider,
Like the dazzling rich and deep-hued falling leaves,
His love drips down abundance and my heart responds with fruit.
"For with You is the fountain of life;
In Your light we see light."
All seeming light apart from Him is dimming darkness;
All seeming life apart from Him is death.
My love, in You the air is clear, the sun is bright, no lies obscure my sight -
In You my dying heart is made anew and learns to walk in life.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
A burden or a blessing?
On Friday, Paul flew to Memphis for an interview for physical therapy school. Unfortunately, his flight left at 5:30 in the morning, which with the state of security meant that we needed to leave the house at 4:00. On Thursday, I was telling people at work about this and one woman (who is married and had coincidentally driven her husband to an early morning flight earlier in the week) responded with, "oh, and I suppose he expects you to take him to the airport, right?"
The next day, after I dropped Paul off, I went straight in to work (early in, early out!) and one of the maintenance guys saw me about 6:00 and asked why I was there so early. When I told him about Paul's flight, his whole face lit up with this big grin and he said, "oh, so you got to drive him there!" It was so sweet.
Anyway, it was primarily the contrast between the two responses that stood out to me. On the one hand, the service is seen as something grudgingly performed out of a sense of duty because my husband actually expected me to do something out of the ordinary for him (I don't know if the woman from my work really thinks of it this way; it is just the impression I got from her response. She is quite a nice lady from what I can see). On the other hand, the service was seen almost as a privilege - something special that I got to do for my husband whom I love.
Before I talked to these two people, I hadn't thought about why I was driving Paul to the airport. He needed someone to drive him, and who better than me? But I can tell you now what reason I would rather have to do any similar act of service that comes my way! Instead of viewing it as a chore and a burden, I want to see it as a blessing and a joy, as a way to show Paul how much I truly love him.
The next day, after I dropped Paul off, I went straight in to work (early in, early out!) and one of the maintenance guys saw me about 6:00 and asked why I was there so early. When I told him about Paul's flight, his whole face lit up with this big grin and he said, "oh, so you got to drive him there!" It was so sweet.
Anyway, it was primarily the contrast between the two responses that stood out to me. On the one hand, the service is seen as something grudgingly performed out of a sense of duty because my husband actually expected me to do something out of the ordinary for him (I don't know if the woman from my work really thinks of it this way; it is just the impression I got from her response. She is quite a nice lady from what I can see). On the other hand, the service was seen almost as a privilege - something special that I got to do for my husband whom I love.
Before I talked to these two people, I hadn't thought about why I was driving Paul to the airport. He needed someone to drive him, and who better than me? But I can tell you now what reason I would rather have to do any similar act of service that comes my way! Instead of viewing it as a chore and a burden, I want to see it as a blessing and a joy, as a way to show Paul how much I truly love him.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Bonhoeffer: living by faith
Tonight I finished listening (for the second time this week) to Focus on the Family's truly excellent radio drama of the life of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, which closes with a quote from one of his letters from prison:
"It is only by living completely in this world that one learns to live by faith. One must completely abandon any attempt to make something of oneself, whether it be saint, or converted sinner, or churchman, a righteous man, or an unrighteous one, a sick man, or a healthy one. By this-worldliness I mean living unreservedly in life's duties, problems, successes and failures, experiences, and perplexities. In so doing, we throw ourselves completely into the arms of God, taking seriously not our own sufferings, but those of God in the world, watching with Christ in Gethsamene. That, I think, is faith. That is how one becomes a man and a Christian." - Bonhoeffer, Letters from Prison
Listening to the account of his committed faith in the face of doubt, opposition, and the fear of torture and death, I was deeply challenged. I like to think that I serve God well - that I strive to love and follow Him, that I desire to seek and obey Him - but my faith is nothing compared to the faith of men and women like Dietrich Bonhoeffer. So many trivial and insignificant things even in this good life I have now make me anxious or afraid! How could I hope to have the faith and the courage needed to live out of trust in God like he did, when I am beset by fears here and now? If trials come to the Christians in America like they to the Christians in 1930's Germany, will I be one who lives in integrity and faith, or will I be like the countless people who submitted to and participated in evil because of fear? If I one day have the privilege of ministering for the gospel in a third-world country, will I be able to hold my witness boldly and without compromise if there is persecution or opposition?
Looking at Bonhoeffer's quote, I think my course of action is clear. Here and now, I must live as God has called me to live. When fear rises in my heart, whether the cause is significant or trivial, I must take that fear to Christ and move on trusting Him. I must not let those fears dictate the extent of my obedience to Christ. And I must embrace any suffering, however great or however small, that He sends into my life, because He sends it for my sanctification, that through learning to trust Him in those sufferings my faith might increase and I might know Him more. This means being disciplined and vigilant in my walk with God and in all the daily details of my life, to endeavor to perform those details according to His will and for His glory, instead of according to my plans and to glorify myself. If I want to do great things for God and truly honor Him with my life, then I can't just sit back, go my own way, do my own things, and expect for it all to somehow just happen. I have to press into Him, to push forward, to aim upward, to seek Him in everything I do - and as Bonhoeffer pointed out, to do so in the midst of the problems, successes, and failures of this life (as opposed to some ideal life that I might picture in my head).
When some people think of pursuing God whole-heartedly - and of this pursuit being an important and even essential part of the Christian faith - they worry about legalism. Somehow striving to obey God must mean that you're trusting in that obedience to earn you God's favor and salvation, in their minds. I suggest that it might rather be a response to God's love and grace and a result of seeing God in His power and glory. If He is truly our God - our Lord, our Master, our King and Creator - then oughtn't we obey His commands? If, on top of that, He has redeemed us from death and loved us unconditionally through our sin, rebellion, and disbelief, don't you think that rationally we owe Him our very lives? When all we have is from Him, how can we hold it back for ourselves instead of giving it up to Him? This is not legalism; this is living as child of God. Grace does not excuse our sin; rather, it enables us to live righteously.
May we walk, then, in the grace that is from God and in faith in Him, in whatever He brings to our lives. Doing this now, when life is relatively easy, prepares our hearts to follow in faith when life becomes much harder, and brings glory to the Lord we love.
"It is only by living completely in this world that one learns to live by faith. One must completely abandon any attempt to make something of oneself, whether it be saint, or converted sinner, or churchman, a righteous man, or an unrighteous one, a sick man, or a healthy one. By this-worldliness I mean living unreservedly in life's duties, problems, successes and failures, experiences, and perplexities. In so doing, we throw ourselves completely into the arms of God, taking seriously not our own sufferings, but those of God in the world, watching with Christ in Gethsamene. That, I think, is faith. That is how one becomes a man and a Christian." - Bonhoeffer, Letters from Prison
Listening to the account of his committed faith in the face of doubt, opposition, and the fear of torture and death, I was deeply challenged. I like to think that I serve God well - that I strive to love and follow Him, that I desire to seek and obey Him - but my faith is nothing compared to the faith of men and women like Dietrich Bonhoeffer. So many trivial and insignificant things even in this good life I have now make me anxious or afraid! How could I hope to have the faith and the courage needed to live out of trust in God like he did, when I am beset by fears here and now? If trials come to the Christians in America like they to the Christians in 1930's Germany, will I be one who lives in integrity and faith, or will I be like the countless people who submitted to and participated in evil because of fear? If I one day have the privilege of ministering for the gospel in a third-world country, will I be able to hold my witness boldly and without compromise if there is persecution or opposition?
Looking at Bonhoeffer's quote, I think my course of action is clear. Here and now, I must live as God has called me to live. When fear rises in my heart, whether the cause is significant or trivial, I must take that fear to Christ and move on trusting Him. I must not let those fears dictate the extent of my obedience to Christ. And I must embrace any suffering, however great or however small, that He sends into my life, because He sends it for my sanctification, that through learning to trust Him in those sufferings my faith might increase and I might know Him more. This means being disciplined and vigilant in my walk with God and in all the daily details of my life, to endeavor to perform those details according to His will and for His glory, instead of according to my plans and to glorify myself. If I want to do great things for God and truly honor Him with my life, then I can't just sit back, go my own way, do my own things, and expect for it all to somehow just happen. I have to press into Him, to push forward, to aim upward, to seek Him in everything I do - and as Bonhoeffer pointed out, to do so in the midst of the problems, successes, and failures of this life (as opposed to some ideal life that I might picture in my head).
When some people think of pursuing God whole-heartedly - and of this pursuit being an important and even essential part of the Christian faith - they worry about legalism. Somehow striving to obey God must mean that you're trusting in that obedience to earn you God's favor and salvation, in their minds. I suggest that it might rather be a response to God's love and grace and a result of seeing God in His power and glory. If He is truly our God - our Lord, our Master, our King and Creator - then oughtn't we obey His commands? If, on top of that, He has redeemed us from death and loved us unconditionally through our sin, rebellion, and disbelief, don't you think that rationally we owe Him our very lives? When all we have is from Him, how can we hold it back for ourselves instead of giving it up to Him? This is not legalism; this is living as child of God. Grace does not excuse our sin; rather, it enables us to live righteously.
May we walk, then, in the grace that is from God and in faith in Him, in whatever He brings to our lives. Doing this now, when life is relatively easy, prepares our hearts to follow in faith when life becomes much harder, and brings glory to the Lord we love.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Procreation and unity - or, contraception part II
This post is not as "family-friendly" (that is, child-appropriate) as most on this blog
Reading my way across the internet today, I came across a very clearly and eloquently worded explanation of the nature of sexual intimacy (actually this writer has consistently been, in all that I have read so far, quite clear, logical, courteous, and sensitive to beauty, which makes for very enjoyable and edifying reading).
And yet I can see, symbolically, the contradiction in that. Symbolically, contraception is truly a rejection - a rejection of the full nature of sexual intercourse and thus a reduction of its meaning, and a rejection at a very basic level of the other person. If sexual intimacy is unifying by nature and not just by convention, then contraception interferes with that union by preventing the partners from completely giving themselves to each other. In the middle of what ought to be an utterly self-surrendering act, in which each becomes the other's, the man does not give and the woman does not receive. Considering that some (beautifully expressed over at Like Mother, Like Daughter) have defined masculinity and femininity by the roles of being the first giver and the one who receives in order to give again, respectively, this is a serious issue. Symbolically, not just physically, contraception establishes a barrier between two people even as they are seeking unity, by short-circuiting the inherent procreative nature of sexual intercourse on which the unitive nature is founded.
What, then, are the practical implications of that symbolism? Does it matter morally, emotionally, or spiritually - or is it just a beautiful ideal picture? I'm not sure, to be honest. I don't know that it is inherently wrong for a married couple to use contraception, but I am having a hard time coming up with an argument as coherent and beautiful as the one above. Everything begins to sound like an excuse or a rationalization rather than a unified understanding of the nature of sexual intercourse within marriage as God designed and intended it, which is insufficient for someone who desires to follow God wholeheartedly in this area of life just as in any other. Do any of you have thoughts on this? Can you offer me a complete picture of the nature and purpose of sexual intimacy and how that informs our behavior, as opposed to a "I'm sure it is fine to use contraception now, since you're committed and planning on having children later?"
Reading my way across the internet today, I came across a very clearly and eloquently worded explanation of the nature of sexual intimacy (actually this writer has consistently been, in all that I have read so far, quite clear, logical, courteous, and sensitive to beauty, which makes for very enjoyable and edifying reading).
"...human sexual nature is not a collection of facts that have no meaning until we freely assign them one. Sexual intercourse has a natural teleology; it is ordered to procreation. This natural end provides a context which itself assigns a meaning to the sexual act. This meaning is “natural” in the sense that it “presents itself” to the mind of a sufficiently intelligent participant without requiring any decision on his or her part. If I make love to a woman, it means “I choose you to be the mother of my children.” This, and only this, is directly and naturally signified by intercourse. However, for an intelligent being, able to consider the future, it has profound implications. Children require a family, so the sexual act implies an irrevocable commitment; it initiates a new society consisting of the spouses and their prospective children. In the conjugal act, the spouses pledge their allegiance to this society—this also is virtually contained in the act’s one natural meaning." - In Defense of Patriarchy, by bonaldThe unitive nature of the act, then, is bound to its procreative nature. This is an assertion I have heard many times but never completely understood. For example, I have struggled to understand why some (including, officially, the Catholic Church) believe that it is wrong for a married couple to use contraception. After all, the married couple has already, in other ways, signified and established the union between them, and they are most likely intending to bring that union to fruition at some point in the future. The man is still choosing that woman to be the mother of his children (and vice versa) - just not yet.
And yet I can see, symbolically, the contradiction in that. Symbolically, contraception is truly a rejection - a rejection of the full nature of sexual intercourse and thus a reduction of its meaning, and a rejection at a very basic level of the other person. If sexual intimacy is unifying by nature and not just by convention, then contraception interferes with that union by preventing the partners from completely giving themselves to each other. In the middle of what ought to be an utterly self-surrendering act, in which each becomes the other's, the man does not give and the woman does not receive. Considering that some (beautifully expressed over at Like Mother, Like Daughter) have defined masculinity and femininity by the roles of being the first giver and the one who receives in order to give again, respectively, this is a serious issue. Symbolically, not just physically, contraception establishes a barrier between two people even as they are seeking unity, by short-circuiting the inherent procreative nature of sexual intercourse on which the unitive nature is founded.
What, then, are the practical implications of that symbolism? Does it matter morally, emotionally, or spiritually - or is it just a beautiful ideal picture? I'm not sure, to be honest. I don't know that it is inherently wrong for a married couple to use contraception, but I am having a hard time coming up with an argument as coherent and beautiful as the one above. Everything begins to sound like an excuse or a rationalization rather than a unified understanding of the nature of sexual intercourse within marriage as God designed and intended it, which is insufficient for someone who desires to follow God wholeheartedly in this area of life just as in any other. Do any of you have thoughts on this? Can you offer me a complete picture of the nature and purpose of sexual intimacy and how that informs our behavior, as opposed to a "I'm sure it is fine to use contraception now, since you're committed and planning on having children later?"
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Fighting off the excuses and taking the harder road
A lot of the commands in the Bible are very specific and straightforward. For example, it doesn't take a scholar or a theologian to understand that God wants us to pray regularly and to rejoice in Him - those commands are scattered throughout the New Testament, with various degrees of explanation and specificity. Yet for some reason we as Christians don't seem to want to take those commands seriously. How many people actually set aside a decent amount of time every day to pray for others and to praise and thank God? How many people pray throughout their day as they encounter, struggle with, or are blessed with various things? I don't think the number is very high (I'm not regularly one of them myself either, to my shame). And why is having a conversation with God in the morning before work something I think I can be proud of, something exceptional, instead of something I perceive as normal and natural obedience to my Lord?
Similarly, the Bible is pretty clear in its injunctions to put the needs of others higher than one's own, to love and respect other people, to speak encouraging and uplifting words, to cultivate a spirit of gentleness, and to seek union (rather than conflict or division) with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Are there times when the specific application of a command is unclear? Yes, most definitely! For some commands, also, that is more frequent than others. But that does not free us of the obligation to obey those commands when we do understand how they are to be obeyed, nor should it be used as an excuse to cover up an unwillingness of the heart to submit to God. Are there times when our circumstances seem to have conspired against us, so that we're tired, sick, bowed down with sorrow, and incredibly busy all at once, and the last thing we want to do is think about anyone else's needs? Yes, and in those times obeying God can be terribly hard. But it is key in those times to admit that we are struggling with our sinful desires, and thus to throw ourselves upon God's grace in dependence and repentance, instead of using those circumstances to rationalize away any and all behavior.
The call to obedience is loud and clear throughout God's word, even when any other more specific call of God (to vocation, for instance) is ambiguous or uncertain. Why should we expect Him to reveal more of that specific call if we have shown ourselves to be unwilling to obey Him in what He has revealed already? Obedience is a hard path to walk, but I think as we learn to travel it we will find it strewn with treasure and covered with joy, because we travel it with Jesus.
Similarly, the Bible is pretty clear in its injunctions to put the needs of others higher than one's own, to love and respect other people, to speak encouraging and uplifting words, to cultivate a spirit of gentleness, and to seek union (rather than conflict or division) with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Are there times when the specific application of a command is unclear? Yes, most definitely! For some commands, also, that is more frequent than others. But that does not free us of the obligation to obey those commands when we do understand how they are to be obeyed, nor should it be used as an excuse to cover up an unwillingness of the heart to submit to God. Are there times when our circumstances seem to have conspired against us, so that we're tired, sick, bowed down with sorrow, and incredibly busy all at once, and the last thing we want to do is think about anyone else's needs? Yes, and in those times obeying God can be terribly hard. But it is key in those times to admit that we are struggling with our sinful desires, and thus to throw ourselves upon God's grace in dependence and repentance, instead of using those circumstances to rationalize away any and all behavior.
The call to obedience is loud and clear throughout God's word, even when any other more specific call of God (to vocation, for instance) is ambiguous or uncertain. Why should we expect Him to reveal more of that specific call if we have shown ourselves to be unwilling to obey Him in what He has revealed already? Obedience is a hard path to walk, but I think as we learn to travel it we will find it strewn with treasure and covered with joy, because we travel it with Jesus.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
A response to the melancholy portrait
A follow-up to this.
The past may be full of regrets, but that doesn't mean the present is meaningless or the future hopeless. In every faithful task you do, however humble and valueless it may seem at the time, you can be honoring God and blessing the people He has placed in your life. You may not be doing the grand and glorious things you once dreamed of - and maybe it is your own fault, because of your own sin and carelessness - but that doesn't mean God has given up on you and condemned the remainder of your life to worthlessness! You may have given up on yourself (it is so easy, is it not, when you see how often you have failed before?) but He is still calling out to you: "in this time, in this place, hear My voice and follow Me. Leave your past behind you and press in towards Me now - take up these daily toils with a willing heart, set aside your dreams of glory, and find your joy in Me."
Joy comes from knowing the Lord who loves you - from seeing Him in His beauty and glory and rejoicing in the breath-taking realization that He wants you to be His! Love is found in surrendering to that same Lord and beginning to live truly for Him - not "for Him" as a mask for living for yourself and winning the approval and admiration of others, but truly and sacrificially for Him. That love can hurt sometimes, but it is more than worth it, and at least it will break up that emptiness in your heart. I've felt it too, you know, and I've found that immersing oneself in the love of God, in the precious blood of Christ, will erode its foundation of fog and deceit. What's more, it will give you the power to love other people as you've always wanted to love them, in a life-changing way. You just have to be willing to let go of yourself and who you've always wanted and striven to be.
The Spirit is waiting to craft you into a work of beauty, a living testament to His grace and goodness - but you have to be willing to let Him choose the final design. That might mean that you'll never be known as a great woman of God far and wide through your books or ministries or missionary work, but it doesn't mean that you won't actually be a great woman of God. Your children might rise up and call you blessed; your husband may praise you. Or they might not. But if you step into God's joy and give up yourself to Him, to labor in His love by His grace, to faithfully do what He has set before you even when you can't see or imagine the purpose, you will hear those most wonderful words when at last your life here is over: "Well done, good and faithful servant; enter into the joy of your Lord."
The past may be full of regrets, but that doesn't mean the present is meaningless or the future hopeless. In every faithful task you do, however humble and valueless it may seem at the time, you can be honoring God and blessing the people He has placed in your life. You may not be doing the grand and glorious things you once dreamed of - and maybe it is your own fault, because of your own sin and carelessness - but that doesn't mean God has given up on you and condemned the remainder of your life to worthlessness! You may have given up on yourself (it is so easy, is it not, when you see how often you have failed before?) but He is still calling out to you: "in this time, in this place, hear My voice and follow Me. Leave your past behind you and press in towards Me now - take up these daily toils with a willing heart, set aside your dreams of glory, and find your joy in Me."
Joy comes from knowing the Lord who loves you - from seeing Him in His beauty and glory and rejoicing in the breath-taking realization that He wants you to be His! Love is found in surrendering to that same Lord and beginning to live truly for Him - not "for Him" as a mask for living for yourself and winning the approval and admiration of others, but truly and sacrificially for Him. That love can hurt sometimes, but it is more than worth it, and at least it will break up that emptiness in your heart. I've felt it too, you know, and I've found that immersing oneself in the love of God, in the precious blood of Christ, will erode its foundation of fog and deceit. What's more, it will give you the power to love other people as you've always wanted to love them, in a life-changing way. You just have to be willing to let go of yourself and who you've always wanted and striven to be.
The Spirit is waiting to craft you into a work of beauty, a living testament to His grace and goodness - but you have to be willing to let Him choose the final design. That might mean that you'll never be known as a great woman of God far and wide through your books or ministries or missionary work, but it doesn't mean that you won't actually be a great woman of God. Your children might rise up and call you blessed; your husband may praise you. Or they might not. But if you step into God's joy and give up yourself to Him, to labor in His love by His grace, to faithfully do what He has set before you even when you can't see or imagine the purpose, you will hear those most wonderful words when at last your life here is over: "Well done, good and faithful servant; enter into the joy of your Lord."
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