Successes and failures and grace

I tend to see life in terms of successes and failures (to the point where it can be hard for me to understand how life can be seen in any other way). For example, if I haven't read my Bible for a week, let's say, I'll think of that as a failure in my walk with Christ, and then think of myself as a failure as a follower of Christ. Conversely, if I have been praying and reading and serving and witnessing, I think of each of those things as a success, and then maybe of myself as a success because I've accomplished those things (although I can almost always find some failure to focus on). It extends down to the most trivial things, too - if I have the house looking nice and dinner on the table when Paul comes home from work on Friday, I get so happy inside because my self-evaluation tells me that I am a "good wife", but if dinner is running late or something is off, I feel like a failure because my self-evaluation tells me that I am a "bad wife". Similarly, I'll feel like a failure for showing up late to an event, or for being unclear in a conversation, or for not doing my laundry over the weekend. Everything that happens becomes a tally mark in either the column of successes or the column of failures, and then I base my feelings of self-worth on which column seems to be winning.

But you know what? This way of looking at life and of judging myself is, at its heart and in its very essence, opposed to the concept of grace. And I'm a Christian, right? And that means that at the center of my faith is the belief that I am a hopeless sinner saved by the undeserved love of a great God - in other words, the doctrine of grace, right? So how have I allowed my primary mode of operation - my dominant means of perceiving and evaluating the world around me - to set itself up in the enemy camp? My paradigm for understanding life is a bit of a traitor, apparently... it has chosen the old ways of judgment and law over the new covenant of grace in the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ.

So what does it mean to live with a worldview of grace rather than one of judgment? 

Obviously I'm not too sure, since I don't do it very well! But I think it means that instead of trying to make myself perfect to earn God's love and approval, I choose instead to rely on Him to change me and rest in the assurance of the love and acceptance He has already given me and will never take away from me. That instead of trying to overcome every obstacle with the grit of my will and the strength of my mind, I admit my need and take refuge in the One who is my shield and strong tower. That instead of basing my self-worth on what I can do for God and others, I ground my identity in what God has done for me and in who God has declared me to be.

I'm thinking this is one of those things that is easier to say than to do, but most good things are, you know? And this time at least I can start off by admitting how hard it will be for me, and by asking God for His grace and strength to make it possible :)